Month: February 2017

WHY NOT SPILL YOUR GLASS? This morning while I was meditating on what the blog’s topic should be, I went to the old thought about whether you think the glass is half full or half empty. I had an interesting thought and it may be significant to a person’s ability to be successful in life. Let’s look at how limiting either concept is derived and maybe a new way of thinking.

Is the glass half empty or half full?

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Is the glass half empty or half full?

“Is the glass half empty or half full?” is a common expression, a proverbial phrase, generally used rhetorically to indicate that a particular situation could be a cause for optimism (half full) or pessimism (half empty), or as a general litmus test to simply determine an individual’s worldview.^[1] The purpose of the question is to demonstrate that the situation may be seen in different ways depending on one’s point of view and that there may be opportunity in the situation as well as trouble.

This idiom is used to explain how people perceive events and objects. Perception is unique to every individual and is simply one’s interpretation of reality. The phrase “Is the glass half empty or half full” can be understood also as a philosophical question.^[2]

Another perspective comes from psychology, where research has shown that a speaker’s choice of frame can reflect their knowledge of the environment, and that listeners can be sensitive to this information.^[3][4]

The optimist says: “The glass is half-full.” The pessimist says: “The glass is half-empty”. And while they are arguing, the pragmatist takes the glass and drinks it.

This brings me to my “out of the box” thought why would we stop at the glass either half full or half empty? Are we willing to accept half of anything? I seem to think it is the person who is not willing to accept a part of what life offers that succeeds to life’s maximum.

Maybe, I should put it another way, if any of the people who have become household names would have stopped when apparently their glass was full, we may not have the pleasures of their inventions, the serenity of their words, the artistic revelation of their creation. As I thought of this mental repertoire it started to be obvious that we want to live life’s glass so full it overflows to the point of spilling onto the surface of our souls.

These are my thoughts but I find relevance in my life and I thought I would share how spilling life all over me has helped:

1. As a child, I tested boundaries with a directional tip of the glass by reading everything I could get my hands on. This increased my curiosity which has served me in my writing quest.
2. I wanted to overachieve in school by taking each test, each assignment, and each homework task very seriously. This helped me set goals as I went out in the working field.
3. It was never enough to show up for work; I had to find a way to be promoted, noticed, and appreciated as an exceptional employee. This helped me when I began to think outside the box and realized I am a problem solver and this ability enabled me to achieve levels of accomplishment.
4. I have never been scared to “spill” my glass’s content and have continually taken on tasks and projects with a fervor of spirit. As a project manager of several large projects, I have grown in the ability to “get er done”.
5. I am not scared to dream big. I don’t say this to boast but to say dreams never come true unless they are dreamed. As I said, don’t be afraid to dream big. Think of it this way, if you only dream small, and your dreams do come true it will be a small accomplishment. Dreaming small is the same thing as glass half full and you can never have more unless you can see the glass over full to the spilling capacity.
6. I don’t take criticism as a bad thing but a growth experience. If everyone tells me only what I want to hear, I don’t get better. Fresh eyes are welcome and unless you can accept advice you can’t envision how enhanced you can become by expanding your thinking.

In conclusion, I want to summarize this thought with my theory of:

” I never want to think about my glass half empty as that encourages a depressed thought of emptiness and I want my life full. I never want to think of my glass half full as it limits my expectations of what I can accomplish. I want to think of my glass overspilling because even if I can’t drink all of the spilled amount, I have at least given my pouring of life the most I can fit into the glass. I can never be disappointed because I have had more than the others who settle for either the half empty or half full life.”

Think about this and let it soak into your mind. I am pouring life to as much as my glass will hold and I hope it spills out all over the place.

Update: I wrote this blog message right after I had my book signing for my second book and now I am in the home stretch for the third and final book in the Reflections of Love series. It is titled Riddle Me This, Love or Bliss and it gives the reader all of the pieces of the puzzle and I am very happy with this soon to be published books. The reason for me reposting this blog message is to remind people who have a book in their mind, a song in their heart, a photo no one forgets, or a cake to bake…..Go for it. If tomorrow you woke up and found out you have run out of time to make your dreams a reality, you would have regrets……So no waiting! I am off to write more on the final book and I will give my loyal readers, you may want to go back and read the first two books and when all of the action goes down you will know why.

WHILE YOU STAND THERE DREAMING, someone else may be living your dream. I recently had my book signing/launch and a thought came to me while I was signing my second book. When I was a very young adult, I made the statement “One day I will write a book.” I thought about it as I became busy with a family and work but kept doing nothing but dreaming about writing a book. Time seemed to not be my friend and my dream was put on the back burner. Remember I was young and full of energy but still I let life run faster than me and my book did not get started until my daughter was in college and I was divorced. Somehow, my dream tried to make me pay attention and I started writing. Now, you may ask, “That was a lot of years ago” and especially, if you know my first book was published in 2015 and I have been remarried for almost 15 years. Again, life ran faster than me.

Finally, one day I was looking through my files on my computer and there it was A Mistress, A Wife staring me in the face. My dream was attempting to WAKE ME UP. I looked at it and decided I had wasted a lot of good years by not completing my dream book. I also decided to FINISH this book and I put into action that I would write on the weekends. At that time, in a period of 6 years, I had only written about 15K words. I wrote with determination and within 1 year of writing only on the weekends, I completed my first novel over 80K words and self published it. Publishing it was never in my dream but once written, I found a new dream and researched and found out what it takes to publish as an Indie writer. It encouraged me and I was not standing just dreaming; I was now living my dream.

Once I had the taste of good reviews and comments to write another book, I wrote on the weekends but with a lot more serious dedication and book 2 Tell Me Lies; Love Me Still has not only been written but published with the book launch which I referred at the beginning already completed and book sales happening.

I say all of this not to boast as I apparently haven’t dreamed of being a best seller yet and still have a lot to learn but I am willing to MOVE and not just stand there dreaming. Have you dreamed of a certain goal in life? Have you put off doing something you are talented but scared of rejection? I have read of the most successful authors submitting query letters of almost 200 to get about 185 rejections. So it is not enough to dream; you have to start the living process. It might not be  easy and you may get rejected over and over again, but the significance of the number of rejections this author received is she is now a well known and successful writer. In some past posts, I have added articles on going after your goal but today I will summarize it in a nutshell.

• Do you have a dream?
• Do you intend on making your dream come true?
• Have you made any plans or goals concerning how to accomplish your dream?
• Do you want to continue dreaming or living your dream?

If you have answered a positive reply to any of these questions, it means you have a dream and you don’t want to be satisfied with standing there only dreaming. It is time to MOVE as I had to do. My thoughts are going in laying out the third book so I am living my dream. I wish you the very best in living your dream and looking forward to hearing from you at the top.

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. Any third party material is sourced to original location for reference credit.

WHEN IS OUR BEST NOT GOOD ENOUGH? I remember when I was young and would not get a perfect score on a test and was beating myself up. My Mom would ask me a question, “Did you try your hardest, did you do your best?” When I replied , “Yes” she would quickly say something like “That is all that matters, you did great.” This morning, her words came to me after I was reviewing some goals and tasks and I was reminded when I was critical of the results of some of my efforts. That is all that matters, you did great. I decided to make this my focus of the blog as I see others not recognizing the importance of doing your best. Our mind cannot go to “Our best is not good enough. 

I thought it might make a good blog for us to do an evaluation of why we would ever come to the conclusion “My best is not good enough” or even observing another’s efforts and saying or thinking, “They are not good enough”. I have assembled a  thought provoking question for us to realize when Our Best is Good Enough.

I found this article that asks and answers one of the questions I had composed:

What if my best is never good enough?

Dear Alice,

That’s my question. What if my best is never good enough?

Dear Reader,

This is an excellent question! One way to start is by looking at a second question: good enough for whom? We live in what can be a very competitive and status-oriented society, and personal background (family, cultural and political background, ethnicity, nationality, religion) can play a role in structuring our ideas of success and failure. While succeeding in the eyes of others can be rewarding, sometimes it is important to separate other’s metrics from your own.

For example, you might begin to ask yourself “how do I measure my own success in a situation? Are the metrics I am using the best way to evaluate myself?”

Let’s say you have a fitness goal. If your goal is to get in better shape, you might start by translating your goal into a series of actions meant to help you achieve that goal. You might recalibrate your diet to include more fresh produce, limit or eliminate soda or fast food, in addition to committing to a regular workout regimen. You could sign up for a cardio kickboxing class, start training for a road race, or join a local gym or YMCA, or find a local cycling club for some regular physical activity. What if, after six months, you didn’t lose weight but you increased cardiovascular fitness, made some new friends, gained some new skills, and changed your perspective on physical activity? Does this mean that you your best was not good enough? Answering this question in a self-affirming, positive and empowering way might mean recalibrating your metrics or changing what qualities you ascribe to success.

Another way that having an internal measure of success is useful is in a more directly competitive setting. If you are a classical pianist with a major competition coming up, you might prepare for weeks or even months, practicing and rehearsing. If you take first place, that is wonderful. But even if you do not, is there a way that you can see the success in your accomplishment? Perhaps it was enough to have made it as far as you did, perhaps your performance was still noteworthy to many people, and maybe you inspired a younger pianist in the audience to pursue her dream of becoming a concert pianist.

Both of these examples are ways of setting goals for yourself, being flexible, and recognizing success despite unanticipated outcomes. 

Finally, many sources suggest that a good way to move beyond a fear of failure is to cultivate more self-acceptance and to keep a log of things you are grateful for. Happier people tend to be more impervious to self-doubt and tend to adopt a more optimistic outlook on their lives. Most of the literature agrees that people can choose to be happier. Make being happy a priority in your life, cultivate feelings of gratitude (maybe by keeping a gratitude jar or journal, where you jot down things that you are thankful for), commit to being forgiving to yourself and to others, cultivate friendships and invest in your friendships (well-meaning friends will often help you stay in a balanced perspective), and engage in activities that require you to give to others, like volunteering in a soup kitchen or doing community service. All these activities have been shown to increase happiness, self-worth, and self-acceptance. By choosing happiness over success as a priority, you might be less vulnerable to a fear of failure.

If you find you’re still struggling with how to best evaluate yourself, don’t be afraid to reach out and seek the support of others. You might ask a friend to help you sort through your feelings about success. Sometimes our friends are more supportive of our efforts than we are to ourselves! You might also consider talking to a mental health professional with an outside perspective.

Just remember, don’t underestimate the value of your own internal measures for success. Being “good enough” can mean whatever you want it to mean. The mind is a powerful tool — a positive attitude and a hearty pat on the back once in a while can go a long way in achieving happiness for life.

Alice!

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Here are some pointers when trying to do our best (which some people think this is a negative statement but I say this is a more conservative approach since there are no guarantees in life but trying is a good thing): Entire article is found at:

When Your Best Isn’t Quite Enough http://www.thirtyhandmadedays.com/when-your-best-isnt-quite-enough/Lead with love

• Several months ago my sister and I had a hard talk.  She started it with “I’m not really sure how to say this but I want you to know that I’m concerned about you….” It was a great lead in to what she said next.  I knew that more than anything she wasn’t judging or trying to convince me of anything.  She was concerned and showed her love to me.  It meant a lot and actually got the ball rolling down to where we are today.  Was it difficult? Yes. For her and for me.  But I appreciated the approach she took and will try to do the same.

• Be patient

• This applies to a lot of different things.  Specifically in loving someone through a trial, I’m talking about the time that it takes to work through things.  There are lots of different emotions through that cycle.  Being on the receiving end isn’t always fun but vital.  Know that as much as they want for a trial to go away, it sometimes does not.  Your patience and understanding with that can majorly help.

• Give them what they need
  Everyone deals with challenges in their own way.  Some want to talk about it a lot.  Some want to never talk about it.  Some want to hibernate until it’s over.   Some do all of the above. (raising hand here)  Go with it.  Let them take the lead to let you know how to help.  Don’t try to make them talk if they don’t want to.  Don’t change the subject if they want to talk about it.  Just be perceptive and open minded to what type of comfort they are in need of.   You can even say “I’m not sure what to do in this situation but I want you to know I’m here for you.  Can you tell me what I can do specifically to help?”  That will go a LONG way in the person knowing how much you care.

Throughout my life, I have given life my all and when I have not seen the results I expected, I go back to those words my sweet Mom said to me, “That is all that matters; you did great!” Tackle life as you tackle a puzzle, one piece (or day) at a time and at the end of the day when you have given your best remember that is all that matters. You did great!”

Live Life; Love Life; and Live Life to the fullest by loving each minute of Life.

(C) Copyright 2012-2017 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. All third party material sourced to original location if known for credit reference.