WHY NOT SPILL YOUR GLASS?

WHY NOT SPILL YOUR GLASS? This morning while I was meditating on what the blog’s topic should be, I went to the old thought about whether you think the glass is half full or half empty. I had an interesting thought and it may be significant to a person’s ability to be successful in life. Let’s look at how limiting either concept is derived and maybe a new way of thinking.

Is the glass half empty or half full?

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Is the glass half empty or half full?

“Is the glass half empty or half full?” is a common expression, a proverbial phrase, generally used rhetorically to indicate that a particular situation could be a cause for optimism (half full) or pessimism (half empty), or as a general litmus test to simply determine an individual’s worldview.[1] The purpose of the question is to demonstrate that the situation may be seen in different ways depending on one’s point of view and that there may be opportunity in the situation as well as trouble.

This idiom is used to explain how people perceive events and objects. Perception is unique to every individual and is simply one’s interpretation of reality. The phrase “Is the glass half empty or half full” can be understood also as a philosophical question.[2]

Another perspective comes from psychology, where research has shown that a speaker’s choice of frame can reflect their knowledge of the environment, and that listeners can be sensitive to this information.[3][4]

The optimist says: “The glass is half-full.” The pessimist says: “The glass is half-empty”. And while they are arguing, the pragmatist takes the glass and drinks it.

This brings me to my “out of the box” thought why would we stop at the glass either half full or half empty? Are we willing to accept half of anything? I seem to think it is the person who is not willing to accept a part of what life offers that succeeds to life’s maximum.

Maybe, I should put it another way, if any of the people who have become household names would have stopped when apparently their glass was full, we may not have the pleasures of their inventions, the serenity of their words, the artistic revelation of their creation. As I thought of this mental repertoire it started to be obvious that we want to live life’s glass so full it overflows to the point of spilling onto the surface of our souls.

These are my thoughts but I find relevance in my life and I thought I would share how spilling life all over me has helped:

  1. As a child, I tested boundaries with a directional tip of the glass by reading everything I could get my hands on. This increased my curiosity which has served me in my writing quest.
  2. I wanted to overachieve in school by taking each test, each assignment, and each homework task very seriously. This helped me set goals as I went out in the working field.
  3. It was never enough to show up for work; I had to find a way to be promoted, noticed, and appreciated as an exceptional employee. This helped me when I began to think outside the box and realized I am a problem solver and this ability enabled me to achieve levels of accomplishment.
  4. I have never been scared to “spill” my glass’s content and have continually taken on tasks and projects with a fervor of spirit. As a project manager of several large projects, I have grown in the ability to “get er done”.
  5. I am not scared to dream big. I don’t say this to boast but to say dreams never come true unless they are dreamed. As I said, don’t be afraid to dream big. Think of it this way, if you only dream small, and your dreams do come true it will be a small accomplishment. Dreaming small is the same thing as glass half full and you can never have more unless you can see the glass over full to the spilling capacity.
  6. I don’t take criticism as a bad thing but a growth experience. If everyone tells me only what I want to hear, I don’t get better. Fresh eyes are welcome and unless you can accept advice you can’t envision how enhanced you can become by expanding your thinking.

In conclusion, I want to summarize this thought with my theory of:

” I never want to think about my glass half empty as that encourages a depressed thought of emptiness and I want my life full. I never want to think of my glass half full as it limits my expectations of what I can accomplish. I want to think of my glass overspilling because even if I can’t drink all of the spilled amount, I have at least given my pouring of life the most I can fit into the glass. I can never be disappointed because I have had more than the others who settle for either the half empty or half full life.”

Think about this and let it soak into your mind. I am pouring life to as much as my glass will hold and I hope it spills out all over the place.

WHILE YOU STAND THERE DREAMING

Update: I wrote this blog message right after I had my book signing for my second book and now I am in the home stretch for the third and final book in the Reflections of Love series. It is titled Riddle Me This, Love or Bliss and it gives the reader all of the pieces of the puzzle and I am very happy with this soon to be published books. The reason for me reposting this blog message is to remind people who have a book in their mind, a song in their heart, a photo no one forgets, or a cake to bake…..Go for it. If tomorrow you woke up and found out you have run out of time to make your dreams a reality, you would have regrets……So no waiting! I am off to write more on the final book and I will give my loyal readers, you may want to go back and read the first two books and when all of the action goes down you will know why.

This is a preview of the 3rd book cover but it is a WIP and will fit the series motif when finished.

WHILE YOU STAND THERE DREAMING, someone else may be living your dream. I recently had my book signing/launch and a thought came to me while I was signing my second book. When I was a very young adult, I made the statement “One day I will write a book.” I thought about it as I became busy with a family and work but kept doing nothing but dreaming about writing a book. Time seemed to not be my friend and my dream was put on the back burner. Remember I was young and full of energy but still I let life run faster than me and my book did not get started until my daughter was in college and I was divorced. Somehow, my dream tried to make me pay attention and I started writing. Now, you may ask, “That was a lot of years ago” and especially, if you know my first book was published in 2015 and I have been remarried for almost 15 years. Again, life ran faster than me.

Finally, one day I was looking through my files on my computer and there it was A Mistress, A Wife staring me in the face. My dream was attempting to WAKE ME UP. I looked at it and decided I had wasted a lot of good years by not completing my dream book. I also decided to FINISH this book and I put into action that I would write on the weekends. At that time, in a period of 6 years, I had only written about 15K words. I wrote with determination and within 1 year of writing only on the weekends, I completed my first novel over 80K words and self published it. Publishing it was never in my dream but once written, I found a new dream and researched and found out what it takes to publish as an Indie writer. It encouraged me and I was not standing just dreaming; I was now living my dream.

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Once I had the taste of good reviews and comments to write another book, I wrote on the weekends but with a lot more serious dedication and book 2 Tell Me Lies; Love Me Still has not only been written but published with the book launch which I referred at the beginning already completed and book sales happening.

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I say all of this not to boast as I apparently haven’t dreamed of being a best seller yet and still have a lot to learn but I am willing to MOVE and not just stand there dreaming. Have you dreamed of a certain goal in life? Have you put off doing something you are talented but scared of rejection? I have read of the most successful authors submitting query letters of almost 200 to get about 185 rejections. So it is not enough to dream; you have to start the living process. It might not be  easy and you may get rejected over and over again, but the significance of the number of rejections this author received is she is now a well known and successful writer. In some past posts, I have added articles on going after your goal but today I will summarize it in a nutshell.

  • Do you have a dream?
  • Do you intend on making your dream come true?
  • Have you made any plans or goals concerning how to accomplish your dream?
  • Do you want to continue dreaming or living your dream?

If you have answered a positive reply to any of these questions, it means you have a dream and you don’t want to be satisfied with standing there only dreaming. It is time to MOVE as I had to do. My thoughts are going in laying out the third book so I am living my dream. I wish you the very best in living your dream and looking forward to hearing from you at the top.

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. Any third party material is sourced to original location for reference credit.

REACHING FOR THE STARS

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GOOGLE gives these steps to SET GOALS:

Decide.

  1. Decide. Think of something you want to do or work towards. …
  2. Write it down. Carefully. …
  3. Tell someone. Telling someone we know about our goals also seems to increase the likelihood that we will stick at them.
  4. Break your goal down. …
  5. Plan your first step. …
  6. Keep going. …
  7. Celebrate.

LIVE LIFE, LOVE LIFE, AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST by climbing to the top to have the best view.

(C) Copyright 2012-2017 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. All third party material sourced to the original location for reference credit.

 

Book Launch Today in my Hometown

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screen-shot-2017-02-09-at-10-33-04-amHow great it is to be going to my hometown of Douglas Ga to see the people who have supported me and more importantly been friends with me. Fantastic to be surrounded by the readers who have read the first book and kept after me to write the second book. As a busy project manager working full time, it may seem impossible to write too. I am a believer if you have a dream, make the time to allow that dream to come true. You may miss a thing or two while achieving your dream, but so what? You can look in the mirror and say, “I said I would one day write a book and I have now written two with another one in my head.” Dream on, wake up, and make it happen. Now to get ready to go! Until we read again…..Arline Miller, author and blogger

(C) Copyright 2012-2017 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced to original location for reference credit.

DISGUISES IN LIFE

 TODAY THE WORD is DISGUISES. While I was reviewing some files, I saw a post I wrote on masquerade. My thoughts went to the first time I saw a clown and I thought I would share my thoughts. Many people have written on the subject of clowns, mimes, jesters, and other entertainers with masked or cosmetically altered faces with costumes to complete their ensemble. My topic is more of the emotional disguise which is more essential to play the part of a happy, comical, and silly character. I would like you to look at the photos of  randomly picked clowns. Even when you see the happy face clown, it has a semblance of sadness which is present in the eyes or the mouth, but it is there seemingly disguised by bright colors and heavily enhanced by black marked pencils. Of course, the animations make the disguise less tell tale of the true personality hidden behind the makeup, hats, and wigs. It caused me to think of how all of us humans may hide behind disguises in life. We may walk around with “painted on” smiles, laugh as if we are happy, display a positive attitude when we actually are feeling gloom and doom, or even act like we are holy when we are struggling with our own redemption. We may “pretend” to love others or in other words, wear disguises of loving, caring people while we are secretly hiding our animosity toward the same people. Disguises may provide a fake personality and it may not be obvious by demonstrated false animations.
What I feel is vital for us to realize and is the deeper thought….People may not see through disguises and we may have in our presence, or even be, the disguised person…..God however sees through all disguises and fake displays of affection. Honesty is the best way to be and asking God to help us love others, even those who are harder to love. Love is easier if we have internal peace and love ourselves. The phrase “To thine own self be true” should really followed by “To God all things be true”. Disguises might camouflage our exterior body, but they can never change our souls. We need to scrub our souls in the same way a clown scrubs the makeup to reveal the true being inside. Live life, love life, and live life to the fullest by loving God and everyone including yourself.
BELOW is an excerpt from a spot on article which describes ways to spot those trying to hide in disguises or as the article is titled:

5 Signs Someone’s Being Fake

By Tara Struyk on 1 December 2014

We all do it to some extent: Present a carefully crafted persona that highlights our best qualities and minimizes our flaws. It’s human nature. In fact, the vast majority of us tell at least one fib each day. It’s not always a bad thing; our ability to obscure the truth is part of the reason human beings have such highly developed brains. (See also: 8 Giveaways That People Were Just Talking About You)

Even so, this behavior can go too far, which is why you’ve probably met at least a few people in your life that you referred to as “fake.” People who were inconsistent. People who stretched the truth. People who refused to own up to their bad behavior. In short, people you probably struggled to trust before. So how can you spot someone who’s being fake before being duped? Here are five signs that the person you’re dealing with is a phony.

1. They Use a Fake Smile

Some amount of fake smiling is normal. You probably crack a fake smile when someone pulls out a camera, or when you feel social pressure to laugh at a joke. But when you catch someone pulling a fake smile too often, beware.

How can you tell the difference?

According to extensive research by Dr. Paul Ekman, it’s all in the eyes. In a genuine smile, tiny wrinkles appear at the corners of the eyes, and the skin between the eyebrows and upper eyelids will move down. While much of a smile can be produced voluntarily, some of the muscles used in a real smile can’t be contracted at will. Can you spot a fake smile?

2. They Can’t Get Their Story Straight (or Don’t Believe It Themselves)

When people are telling the truth, it always comes out the same. Because it really happened. When people are bending the truth — or making things up — it’s harder to keep that story straight. That’s why if you suspect someone is being fake, you should listen for inconsistencies in their stories. You can look for inconsistencies in what they say and what happens on their face as well. Believe it or not, when a person is lying, she might be saying one thing is the truth, but betraying herself with an ever-so-slight shake of the head. (See also How to Tell If Someone Is Lying — Besides the Long Nose

3. Their Microexpressions Tell a Different Tale

Just like tiny gestures, microexpressions, or the subtle, less-noticeable expressions that tend to pass quickly across a person’s face, can tell you a whole lot about that person’s sincerity. These expressions tend to last less than a 25th of a second, and tend to represent a concealed emotion. Watch carefully for what the person’s face is telling you — and whether those expressions match the person’s words.

4. Their Body Language Shows Discomfort

We don’t always pick up on a person’s body language, but it can be a huge red flag that that person is being insincere. Does the person turn his or her body away from you while speaking to you? That can be a sign of discomfort. Does the person tend to fidget, blink rapidly, and shrug his or her shoulders at times? Those can be signs that a person is being less than honest. A liar might also unconsciously place items between you and him or herself while talking. These signs don’t always mean a person is being fake, but when you see this behavior often, or at times when you believe a person’s story to be suspect, beware.

5. Your Gut Says So

How can you spot someone who’s being fake? The simplest answer may be easier and more effective than all of the above: trust your instincts. According to research, our initial impressions of a person’s motives tend to more accurate than what we come up with when we think about it too much. Maybe our sense of empathy kicks in. Or we feel we need to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Or be polite. Or ensure that we’re liked. And, in many cases, those messages can speak louder than that gut feeling telling us that a certain person just isn’t sincere. If a person makes you uneasy and you initially question their integrity, listen to your instincts. Then, look for other clues that you’re dealing with a phony. Chances are, you’ll find them.

 

FEATURED BIBLE VERSE:

1 John 3:1 ESV      
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

(c) copyright 2012-2017 Arline Lott Miller. The material here copyrighted, use only by permission and all third party material sourced and referenced for credit. Photos may or may not be owned by blog.

ABOUT LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

TODAY THE WORDS are LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. Here we go back to my childhood and probably your childhood too. Today we look at the violence on TV and in the movies as horrific but we had our share of violence in the fairy tales/books that we had read to us and ones we read as we grew. Think about it, in Little Red Riding Hood, the wolf planned on eating her and that is about as bad as it can get. It was fictional and far fetched and my thoughts are not going to the violence; I am thinking about the deceit and how the wolf is at our door full of deceit and intent to harm us. Little Red Riding Hood was at least observant and asked questions to determine the Big bad wolf was not Grandma. In other words, she was learning not to trust what the wolf was saying, but to look for signs of deceit and therefore the remark, but “what big teeth you have”.

Now for the deeper thought….we are surrounded by the “wolves” of the world and they are master deceivers. Some of them are disguised as do-gooders, friends, employees, politicians (don’t get me started there), and the saddest, spiritual leaders. It would be such a beautiful world if we could go back in time when a person’s word was their bond; more typically now, if their lips are moving, they may not be telling the truth. This being said, we need to be more observant and ask those questions to find out if what we are being told is the truth. Because someone says one thing, look at their actions, their charity toward others, their environment, and how they process their thoughts into actions. Have I been deceived? Oh yes, plenty of times until I started putting on my little red riding hood demeanor and started asking questions. God wants us to love others and I believe this with all of my heart, but God’s word speaks of false prophets and wolfs in sheep clothing. This is a lesson for all of us to watch, listen, and find out people’s intentions before we risk our safety, love and family. Ask before you give, “Can I see your teeth?” and if they are big teeth, run!! Love is beautiful and can be the best thing in your life, but it can hurt if it is with the wrong person who doesn’t love you in the right way. God loves us in the right way and we never have to wonder about His Love!

I found an interesting article about the types of people you have to remove from your life. The article can be accessed by clicking on the underlined text.

I often read  blog posts, here at Forbes and on other platforms, that spark further thought.  I just read one at Inc.com, by Jeff Haden, about the types of people you should remove from your inner circle if you’re a business owner.

It got me reflecting on the folks I’ve removed from my life over the years (not removed in the Mafioso sense – I mean ‘stopped interacting with’), or those I’ve encouraged others to remove.  It might sound callous or draconian, but I’m convinced that life is too short to have people around you on a daily basis who make it more difficult to succeed or to be happy.

Now of course, we all have days when even the folks we’re fondest of – friends, colleagues, family – make us want to tear our hair out.  That’s not what I ‘m talking about (that’s life on the planet).  I’m talking about those folks who consistently make your life harder or less pleasant.

So, here’s my observation of the three types of people to invite out of your life:

Energy vampires. Some people just wear you out; you feel more tired and stressed, less vital after interacting with them. These folks seem to believe that the main job of their friends and colleagues is to help them feel better.  I once had a friend who required hours and hours of “processing” – his pain, difficulty, emotional upheaval, the unfairness of his past life: everything needed to be gone over ad infinitim. Sadly, no matter how deeply you listen, no matter how much counsel you offer, no matter how much you put your own needs on the back burner to support these folks, it will not be enough.  Think about the friends and colleagues who consistently take more from you than they give back, and ask yourself why you’re still offering yourself to be sucked dry.

I Me Mine: My brother used to be married to someone who expected much more from others, on a daily basis, than she was willing to give. For instance, she had no problem asking someone to babysit for her child, or watch her house, or run an errand for her…but when it came time to reciprocate, somehow it just never seemed possible.  When she came to visit, everything had to be oriented to accommodate her: the foods she required, the quietest room with the proper light, the cats farmed out to friends because of her allergies. No such accommodations were possible when others visited her.  “I Me Mine” people are the center of their own universe, and if they’re in your life, you are always going to have to work around their needs and preferences.  Collaboration, reciprocity and give and take are not part of their vocabulary.  Do what you can to minimize your interactions with these folks (although they may let you know in no uncertain terms that you’re being unreasonable or unfair not to be available to fulfill their every whim).

Liars.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Fool me three times – why are you still on the list of people whose calls I return?  If someone is consistently unreliable, or tells you things that aren’t true, or says one thing to you and another thing to someone else in order to protect themselves….cut them loose. Liars are the worst.  Energy Vampires and I Me Mines are a pain and make your life more difficult – but Liars can create honest-to-goodness legal and moral problems.

I cannot tell anyone what they should or should not do with the “wolves” in their lives but I have witnessed, even personally, how much effect these unsavory characters can play and destroy lives. My suggestion is to: LIVE LIFE; LOVE LIFE; AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST BY SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE AND HONEST PEOPLE.

WHEN IS OUR BEST NOT GOOD ENOUGH

WHEN IS OUR BEST NOT GOOD ENOUGH? I remember when I was young and would not get a perfect score on a test and was beating myself up. My Mom would ask me a question, “Did you try your hardest, did you do your best?” When I replied , “Yes” she would quickly say something like “That is all that matters, you did great.” This morning, her words came to me after I was reviewing some goals and tasks and I was reminded when I was critical of the results of some of my efforts. That is all that matters, you did great. I decided to make this my focus of the blog as I see others not recognizing the importance of doing your best. Our mind cannot go to “Our best is not good enough. 

I thought it might make a good blog for us to do an evaluation of why we would ever come to the conclusion “My best is not good enough” or even observing another’s efforts and saying or thinking, “They are not good enough”. I have assembled a  thought provoking question for us to realize when Our Best is Good Enough.

I found this article that asks and answers one of the questions I had composed:

What if my best is never good enough?

Dear Alice,

That’s my question. What if my best is never good enough?

Dear Reader,

This is an excellent question! One way to start is by looking at a second question: good enough for whom? We live in what can be a very competitive and status-oriented society, and personal background (family, cultural and political background, ethnicity, nationality, religion) can play a role in structuring our ideas of success and failure. While succeeding in the eyes of others can be rewarding, sometimes it is important to separate other’s metrics from your own.

For example, you might begin to ask yourself “how do I measure my own success in a situation? Are the metrics I am using the best way to evaluate myself?”

Let’s say you have a fitness goal. If your goal is to get in better shape, you might start by translating your goal into a series of actions meant to help you achieve that goal. You might recalibrate your diet to include more fresh produce, limit or eliminate soda or fast food, in addition to committing to a regular workout regimen. You could sign up for a cardio kickboxing class, start training for a road race, or join a local gym or YMCA, or find a local cycling club for some regular physical activity. What if, after six months, you didn’t lose weight but you increased cardiovascular fitness, made some new friends, gained some new skills, and changed your perspective on physical activity? Does this mean that you your best was not good enough? Answering this question in a self-affirming, positive and empowering way might mean recalibrating your metrics or changing what qualities you ascribe to success.

Another way that having an internal measure of success is useful is in a more directly competitive setting. If you are a classical pianist with a major competition coming up, you might prepare for weeks or even months, practicing and rehearsing. If you take first place, that is wonderful. But even if you do not, is there a way that you can see the success in your accomplishment? Perhaps it was enough to have made it as far as you did, perhaps your performance was still noteworthy to many people, and maybe you inspired a younger pianist in the audience to pursue her dream of becoming a concert pianist.

Both of these examples are ways of setting goals for yourself, being flexible, and recognizing success despite unanticipated outcomes. 

Finally, many sources suggest that a good way to move beyond a fear of failure is to cultivate more self-acceptance and to keep a log of things you are grateful for. Happier people tend to be more impervious to self-doubt and tend to adopt a more optimistic outlook on their lives. Most of the literature agrees that people can choose to be happier. Make being happy a priority in your life, cultivate feelings of gratitude (maybe by keeping a gratitude jar or journal, where you jot down things that you are thankful for), commit to being forgiving to yourself and to others, cultivate friendships and invest in your friendships (well-meaning friends will often help you stay in a balanced perspective), and engage in activities that require you to give to others, like volunteering in a soup kitchen or doing community service. All these activities have been shown to increase happiness, self-worth, and self-acceptance. By choosing happiness over success as a priority, you might be less vulnerable to a fear of failure.

If you find you’re still struggling with how to best evaluate yourself, don’t be afraid to reach out and seek the support of others. You might ask a friend to help you sort through your feelings about success. Sometimes our friends are more supportive of our efforts than we are to ourselves! You might also consider talking to a mental health professional with an outside perspective.

Just remember, don’t underestimate the value of your own internal measures for success. Being “good enough” can mean whatever you want it to mean. The mind is a powerful tool — a positive attitude and a hearty pat on the back once in a while can go a long way in achieving happiness for life.

Alice!

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Here are some pointers when trying to do our best (which some people think this is a negative statement but I say this is a more conservative approach since there are no guarantees in life but trying is a good thing): Entire article is found at:

When Your Best Isn’t Quite Enough http://www.thirtyhandmadedays.com/when-your-best-isnt-quite-enough/Lead with love

  • Several months ago my sister and I had a hard talk.  She started it with “I’m not really sure how to say this but I want you to know that I’m concerned about you….” It was a great lead in to what she said next.  I knew that more than anything she wasn’t judging or trying to convince me of anything.  She was concerned and showed her love to me.  It meant a lot and actually got the ball rolling down to where we are today.  Was it difficult? Yes. For her and for me.  But I appreciated the approach she took and will try to do the same.

  • Be patient

  • This applies to a lot of different things.  Specifically in loving someone through a trial, I’m talking about the time that it takes to work through things.  There are lots of different emotions through that cycle.  Being on the receiving end isn’t always fun but vital.  Know that as much as they want for a trial to go away, it sometimes does not.  Your patience and understanding with that can majorly help.

  • Give them what they need
    Everyone deals with challenges in their own way.  Some want to talk about it a lot.  Some want to never talk about it.  Some want to hibernate until it’s over.   Some do all of the above. (raising hand here)  Go with it.  Let them take the lead to let you know how to help.  Don’t try to make them talk if they don’t want to.  Don’t change the subject if they want to talk about it.  Just be perceptive and open minded to what type of comfort they are in need of.   You can even say “I’m not sure what to do in this situation but I want you to know I’m here for you.  Can you tell me what I can do specifically to help?”  That will go a LONG way in the person knowing how much you care.

Throughout my life, I have given life my all and when I have not seen the results I expected, I go back to those words my sweet Mom said to me, “That is all that matters; you did great!” Tackle life as you tackle a puzzle, one piece (or day) at a time and at the end of the day when you have given your best remember that is all that matters. You did great!”

Live Life; Love Life; and Live Life to the fullest by loving each minute of Life.

(C) Copyright 2012-2017 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. All third party material sourced to original location if known for credit reference.

HOW DID THEY COME UP WITH THOSE SAYINGS?

TODAY THE WORDS are HOW DID THEY COME UP WITH THOSE SAYINGS? Once in a while, I like to veer from the usual inspirational messages. This morning as I was browsing on Facebook, a friend had shared t…

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