WHEN DARKNESS SURROUNDS YOU

2 Corinthians 4: 6 says: “For it is the God who commands light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the Face of Jesus.”

INTRODUCTION

I am a Adult Survivor of Child Abuse. I’m writing this series while going through a deep valley where darkness attempts to hold me captive to painful memories I have already overcome through Christ Jesus.

I do believe this series is foundational because Christ is our foundation. Individuals who have experienced ongoing trauma in their developmental years focused on surviving rather than thriving. Therefore, as adults, they may lack general skills. Many times, they will lack self-soothing skills that can help them regulate and deal with difficult emotions. Understand that the abuse occurred within interpersonal relationships; so, there was no opportunity for them to experience help when they were overwhelmed. There was no help available for them. This can set them up later in life for addictions as they try to numb or escape difficult emotions. Their feelings about the abuse can include fear, shame, rage, self-hatred, and confusion. At the most basic level, when children are afraid they know they can turn to mom, dad, or another authority figure for help. But what happens when they are afraid of the caregiver? What if their terror comes from the same place they were supposed to receive comfort? This can leave the child not only struggling to deal with the outward circumstances but also their emotional and psychological system is aroused and they do not know how to calm themselves. As adults, they carry the same mental images and beliefs of themselves, others, and of the LORD that were constructed in the abusive environment. And they may not know how to express their need for help, or they may believe the abuse did not affect them, yet they remain captive to the lies of the enemy. The scriptures are full of examples where individuals were overwhelmed and they turned to the LORD, but if an individual has never experienced a safe place, it will be difficult to believe an invisible God could love them. The whole purpose of Christ coming was revealing the Father’s heart to us that He is a safe place; that although He is all powerful, there is never an abuse of His power. Christ dying on the cross for us was the example of the stronger absorbing what the weaker deserved, providing rather than taking, covering rather than exposing; these are the attributes of the Father. It may take time and repeatedly reviewing the same scriptures to have our minds renewed by His Spirit and Word. But know this: the LORD is passionate about you and “wants not to take from you; rather, He has already given His best for your healing and freedom. He sets the captive free.

Additionally, I would like to address something I have seen in the Body of Christ that can be extremely confusing and hurtful to individuals dealing with the long lasting effects of abuse. It seems the church views emotional and mental suffering differently than physical suffering. Although they may not mean to be hurtful, it is their lack of understanding that is at the root. The human brain is an organ just like the heart. If the arteries in a person’s heart are damaged in some manner, it will take time and maybe a skilled surgeon to help the organ recover. When exposed to repeated trauma the brain under goes biological changes. Much like a computer processing information the brain will set up different folders to store information. And just like a computer, when something that can harm the internal systems enters, the computer takes steps to mitigate the damage or shuts down. So it is in the brain of a child when overwhelmed with situations that are perceived as threatening; the brain begins to use defenses in order to protect the child.

In order to gain understanding, let’s compare a soldier in battle and a child in an abusive home; both are war zones. First, the soldier is taken to basic training where her personality is stripped of “me” thinking so she can work with her fellow soldiers as a team; so that whatever danger they may face, they will work together to help everyone survive. She is trained in the use of weapons and to wear her protective armor. Additionally, she is given exercises to further her experience by practicing her skills so when she faces the enemy, she will know how to respond. She has comrades in arms. She is not in the war alone. She has a commander over the team. Generally, the commander will have more experience and knows how to take the troops in and out of dangerous situations. Also, she will have peers that have been through the same training and so they are able to support each other. Now, assume the soldier makes it through all of her training and she is taken and dropped in a war zone. She is dropped into a very dangerous area, but she is not alone. She has a commander, her peers, her training, and if raised in good enough home, where abuse was not present and she was supported and loved, she is also going into the war zone with a brain that has developed physically and emotionally throughout her life; a brain that has not been flooded with stress. And even with all these things going for her, she may experience such terrible things, whether through watching the death of her comrades from road side bombs, or any other tragedies, that even your most skilled solider will not come home without collateral damage.

Now, let’s look at another soldier but one that has never been trained. One that did not realize she was being dropped into a war zone; rather she was born in one. She is a young child; her brain and body are still developing. The commanders of the soldier in the first example are experienced, they are there to protect and guide the soldier through the challenges. But the commanders of the second soldier, a child, has been left with are self-absorbed and lost in their own war; escaping their pain possibly through drug or alcohol abuse. There is no one really watching over the child, in fact they may be the ones who are abusing the child. When the first soldier was faced with challenges, she could use the tools and weapons she had been provided with to protect herself. She had been taught strategy to keep herself safe when harm was surrounding her. The child has not been given any of those tools; rather, what will happen is the child will rely on defense mechanisms such as denying her reality and repressing memories to keep them from interfering with her everyday life. In this combat zone, the child is not able to focus on learning and exploring her world; often she may be doing her best not to be heard or seen, as this is the only way to remain safe. If the child is being physically or sexually abused, she may disconnect from herself. In the time when a child’s personality and self-concept should be developing, she is focusing on how to survive.

When children are raised in homes with violence and abuse, they often will try to be good, believing this will give them some type of control over their environment. The child’s mental software concerning themselves, others, and relationships is being hard wired.
Some of the lessons they may be learning is that rather than protect, authority takes; rather than nurture and ensure the child’s needs are being met, the authority uses the child to meet their needs. Their understanding of themselves may become skewed with shame, believing they are bad; shame becomes the toxic element in their personality development, followed by fear of intimacy. They believe there is something evil about them, and that if they are ever truly open with anyone, they will be rejected. The child tries to keep people at a distance, further isolating themselves, remaining without healthy human connection for comfort. God created us to be in a relationship, and when children are left without a safe place and without comfort as they grow, they may become involved with drugs or alcohol to numb their reality.

Additionally, they may become self-injurious in an attempt to escape emotions that are overwhelming. All of these issues can be traced back to their inability to self-soothe or regulate emotions which can be directly related to the lack of nurturing that occurred in their chaotic young life. The child’s world is not safe or nurturing, and often they keep secrets they will carry into adulthood. When soldiers come home from war that have been injured physically or psychologically, we often view them with the understanding they have seen things that we have not. They probably have seen horrific violence and experienced losses in the theater of war. I understand when they have nightmares and flashbacks.

I encourage them to seek help even beyond the church doors in order for them to process and work through their experiences.
But this is not the case for abuse survivors. Adult survivors may be viewed as “not forgetting those things which are behind,” a verse often taken out of context; Paul is clearly talking about his own righteous acts in an attempt to gain righteousness before the Lord. But there is little understanding that these combatants were shoved out of the plane into dangerous territory without training, armor, or an experienced commander.

Just as one may bear scars from being deployed, these troopers have scars on the inside and because they are not visible they may be ignored, or chalked up to a “lack of faith,” or not having a deep enough relationship with Jesus. I am not minimizing the trauma that our military members experience. I am attempting to shine light on warriors who have fought in battles long before they were old enough to serve in the armed forces. Desolation and destruction may seem to surround an individual’s life, but I can say from experience that “Jesus is a restorer and healer,” and He has been my portion for almost 60 years, especially when time are
Adult survivors are abuse conquerors; I say that not because it is churchlike, but because of Romans 8: 37 “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” It is about God’s love for us; that alone will strengthen us and restore life to the broken areas of our heart.

Beloved of the Master, know that Jesus is intimately aware of your struggles and that He is drawing near to heal and comfort you. Use the experience of pastors, counselors who not only know Jesus but also have training and experience in working with trauma survivors. Use medication when advised to by a doctor; trauma changes the brain and there is no shame in that.

I offer two nuggets with which to end this introduction. First, Hebrews 11: 27b: “For he endured as seeing Him who is invisible.” The scripture is talking about Moses and how he endured the wrath of Pharaoh as he led the Children of Israel of out Egypt. As you learn to walk towards freedom, and away from the lies the enemy has told you about yourself and God, focus on Jesus because the Pharaoh will attempt to tell you that freedom is not for you.
This devotion is written to help you see the One who is invisible; ask Jesus to open your eyes.

Next, Genesis 50: 22: “Joseph is a fruitful bough, a fruitful bough by a well; his branches run over the wall, the archers have bitterly grieved him, shot at him and hated him. But his bow, remained in strength, and the arms of his hands were made strong by the hands of the Mighty God of Jacob.” The scripture records the words concerning Joseph from his father, after Joseph had been a captive. It declares Joseph was a fruitful bough that is by a well, and that his branches went over the wall that was there to hold him back. So it is with abuse conquerors; because of Jesus, we break out of the prison that tries to hold us back and we are fruitful in our life. Even though others abused us, our hands are now strengthened by hands that were pierced for our freedom.

Take some time to share your thoughts and heart with the LORD. What is He saying to you through these promises? What do you want to share with Him?