Sipping Cups of Inspiration Served One Cup at A Time
DO WE DEPRECIATE OUR SELF WORTH II
This thought provoking blog was written and posted several years ago but I read it again and found it worthy of repeating. I hope you enjoy it. We are what we choose to be, good or better.
DO WE DEPRECIATE OUR SELF WORTH? I had an occasion to receive an opportunity to hear some constructive criticism from a person I have high respect. The person asked if I wanted it and added it’s your choice. My curiosity was raised and of course I wanted to hear what I could learn and do better. I have learned in my life to listen to others and absorb their experiences and knowledge. I could have thought “Oh whoa is me; someone is attacking me!” but that is certainly not the intention of this person. This morning, this thought came to me. It seems to me this is a subject we need to consider. So my topic is DO WE DEPRECIATE OUR SELF WORTH?
There are two choices of direction our mind can go when someone approaches us with criticism, constructive or destructive. We can evaluate and listen to what a colleague or mentor has to say. Their experience or observation may give us valuable information. This is what I chose to do and it has been invaluable to me. What do we do with destructive criticism? This may be more important to our self worth. If a person doesn’t have our best interest at heart and for whatever reason they choose to be overly critical or downright rude, how do we react?
Criticism is a term for judgment or evaluation, good or bad. And it can pop up everywhere: from college papers, to personal blogs, to family get-togethers, and chats with friends. (Your new haircut does not suit your face shape. But have a great date!) There are lots of reasons why people offer criticism, like feeling jealous or insecure in a romantic relationship (You always forget to call!). At work, organization leaders may also use criticism to help employees improve their work—and make them tremble before approaching the boss’s office. But not all criticism is bad news bears.
Constructive criticism—offering thoughtful feedback—can help us gain valuable insight into our actions and increase trust between people . Among college students, constructive criticism on academic work (Here’s how this paragraph could be better) may boost that GPA more than deconstructive criticism (This paper is awful). On the other hand, deconstructive criticism—the “you suck!” kind—involves accusing people and pointing out their faults without suggestions for improvement. Unsurprisingly, deconstructive criticism can hurt people’s self-esteem, making them feel guilty for not performing up to par. But whether criticism is useful or just plain humiliating, there are ways to deal with it and move on.
Your Action Plan
Being sensitive to criticism can be a sticky situation. Sometimes people may even stop working toward a goal out of fear of being critiqued. But don’t give in to those worries about potential critiques. Here are some helpful tips to handle any kind of criticism that heads our way:
Figure out whether the criticism is constructive or simply rude. You may feel hurt when your partner says you’re controlling, but having him point out this flaw may help you change and ultimately save the relationship. If criticism could be helpful, lend all ears and try to learn from it instead of getting defensive.
Be respectful no matter what, and thank someone if the feedback is useful . If the critique is uncalled for (that story you wrote was crap!), kill em with kindness. A simple smile makes you the bigger person.
Don’t take it personally.
Try to remove yourself from the situation and focus on what’s being critiqued. That C+ midterm doesn’t reflect your A+ personality! Instead, it’s a reminder to study a little harder next time, skip all that partying the night before, or realize that calculus simply isn’t your biggest strength.
When we’re constantly on edge, we can feel out of control and unable to respond to criticism with a clear head. So take a deeeep breath to keep those stress levels in check.
Keep on keepin on’.
Remember that the criticism represents just one person’s point of view. Know what your strengths are and don’t let other people’s opinions keep you from working hard towards a goal. If somebody says you’re too short to be a power forward, start working on that jump shot!
When we find ourselves or our work being evaluated or criticized, let us remember. If it is in kind and meant with good intentions, receive and absorb it with thankfulness. We grow when we listen to others who want us to succeed. If you sense the person only means it critically, think before you respond. All of us are subject to people’s opinion but that is all it is. One opinion does not mean your worth has been depreciated but can be appreciated by many others. I love the action point to Respond calmly as I did when I said to the person offering her constructive criticism, “Of course I want to hear it. I am learning and we don’t learn if we don’t listen.”
Let us live to be the best we can; let us learn how to be the best we can by listening to our own voice and the voice of those who are willing to help us be the best we can be…..Arline Miller (C) Copyright 2012-2018 for Arline Miller in original post writings with all rights reserved. Other 3rd party origination sourced, if known, for reference with links.
A blogger since 2012, a published author of three Five Star romance novels, A MISTRESS, A WIFE and TELL ME LIES; LOVE ME STILL and RIDDLE ME THIS, LOVE OR BLISS. Still a small town girl with a lot of experience of people watching. Ten years of blogging experience.
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