JEALOUSY IS NOT A HAPPY OPTION is the focus of today’s blog. This post is not a defensive post but I think you will appreciate the thought behind this topic as I move forward in my thoughts. Let’s dive right into this one.
Keeping up with the Jones was a phrase I have heard most of my life. Our parents taught us to be happy for others’ accomplishments and also for their success. We were also taught to be excited about gifts, awards, successes, and even benchmark accomplishments. To sum up how we were taught how to be happy for ourselves and others, I will recall a statement from my Mother, “Always remember, you are not any better than anyone else, but always remember no one is any better than you.” This has stayed with me all my life and it reflects in how happy I am when I see someone receive those things I mentioned whether it is a gift, a new car, home, trip, and especially if they are recognized for a personal accomplishment. It doesn’t have to be a status symbol or even a monetary gain. It is true joy that another human being has an opportunity to smile and exude happiness.
If you are always trying to figure out what everyone else is doing wrong, you will not have the time to figure out what you need to do right…..Just saying……Arline Miller
Arline Lott Miller Life is so much better with positive insertions and people. When I look at negative people, my heart goes out for them and my mind wants to kick them in the rear for looking on the negative side. Everyone has stories and things happen to good and bad people. That is life. Everyone has bad days but I guarantee you the attitude of how many more good days we have will get us through any bad day. I agree the people we surround ourselves around makes the difference if we ourselves maintain a positive outlook. We can’t ever be the pot calling the kettle black. I love being happy!
I found an interesting article on why it is healthy and essential to our happiness to not be jealous of others:
According to the Urban Dictionary, a “hater” can be defined by:
- A person who feels anger and/or jealousy for someone who has succeeded in something they have worked hard for.
- A being that speaks badly, and/or takes negative actions in attempt to create problems for a successful person.
Clearly, being a “hater” is not a good thing. And how we handle other people’s success, especially when things may not be going so well for us, is an indicator of our maturity and belief in ourselves.
So what do you do when you see someone thriving with the opportunities, recognition, clients and wins that you want for your life or business? You learn to celebrate other people’s success.
If you master generating genuine happiness for other people, not only will you find a cure for the envy, which can sabotage your success, but there are additional benefits as well. Here’s what you open the door to as you welcome and express joy for others:
- Freedom from frustration and worry. When you see another person’s win as a loss for you, you pave the way for discouragement and resentment to set in. Instead allow other people’s success to ignite hope for the success coming in your time of harvest.
- More opportunities to be happy! Rejoicing with others creates an opportunity to multiply the good times you get to celebrate. By seizing every chance to sincerely congratulate other’s on their success, you are creating an atmosphere for others to be willing to celebrate your successes.
- Improved relationships with others. Healthy relationships involve sharing both ups and downs. People are more likely to respond positively to you if they sense that you’re truly happy for them.
- Good karma. You reap what you sow. Giving unselfishly creates a win for everybody.
I know, it all sounds good, but how do you actually pull it off — and do it sincerely? Here are seven ideas:
- Proactively look for opportunities to shine a spotlight on someone else. Keep in touch with what’s going on in the lives of the people around you. Others may be bashful about mentioning their own victories but still appreciate having their efforts recognized.
- Create a daily gratitude list. It’s difficult to be happy for other people when you are dissatisfied with your life. Remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have to be grateful for. Go one step better and share one thing a day with someone.
- Be aware of your jealousy. Weigh the consequences of jealousy and envy. Be honest with yourself when you notice your thoughts and feelings heading down a negative path.
- “Fake it till you make it.” Or as Karen Salmansohn says — “Faith it till you make it.” It’s okay to use some artificial gestures to get started. Even if you’re not purely happy that your ex-husband got an award, you can say something gracious.
- Start with the people you love. Charity starts at home and so should the celebration. It might be difficult to get instantly excited about the lives of strangers. However, you can start by focusing on the people closest to you. For example, cheer with enthusiasm when your cousin wins an award, your brother gets a promotion, or a friend successfully closes a deal.
- Work your way up to dealing with the hard stuff. For example, celebrating with someone that got something you wanted for yourself or being happy for someone you believe is undeserving.
- With practice, you’ll be able to tackle the more sensitive issues. When you find the techniques that work with the people you love, you can use those same strategies with more challenging opportunities.
So the next time someone you know gets great news, don’t hate — celebrate with them. Remember, you reap what you sow: You can look forward to welcoming more joy into your own life as you celebrate other people’s success.
I am asked frequently why I am so positive and happy and I assure you I am a genuinely happy person and if I wasn’t, I would be the first to tell you. I found out as a child that even though I love people and enjoy their company, I love being alone as well. I am content and I don’t have to be surrounded by others to enjoy my life. I love and enjoy my relationship with my husband for all of the same reasons. We can be with each other and enjoy our time but both of us are separate in ourselves as well. My husband can be alone as well and can be busy with his own projects and hobbies. As well as we blend, we can stand strong on our own. We are not jealous of each other’s friends and sometimes become friends with them or we don’t. It is not mandatory but a gift if given. This allows freedom within a relationship. This is a lesson of life by allowing each other to be an important part of the other’s life but not a requirement to be everything in every way in any given day. We choose to be together and this is a freedom and not a chain. I may have shared with you one of the best secrets of a happy and loving relationship.
LIVE LIFE, LOVE LIFE, AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST by never wanting to be a copy of anyone else. You are special and unique so enjoy yourself. No one is better than you but you are not any better than any one else. Just different and that makes you special.
(C) Copyright 2012-2018 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced to original location if known for credit reference and available links.