I MAY BE OLD BUT AM I WISE is a question we should ask ourselves. Do we learn as we go or do we make a stubborn stand against the new ideas in the world? Yes, I am going down this road of thought in an openminded manner and hopefully all of us will search our minds for either agreement or disagreement.
To begin this journey, I want to start at a young age of thinking and see if we can relate to the snags and pitfalls we find ourselves during our youth and how it either matures or petrifies our method of thinking. I have always been an independent thinker and this independency offered opportunities as well as pitfalls.
Independent Thinkers are analytical and witty persons. They are normally self-confident and do not let themselves get worked up by conflicts and criticism. They are very much aware of their own strengths and have no doubts about their abilities.
Independent thinkers are refreshing. They use their own lens to filter information and inform their thoughts. Independent thinkers don’t allow other people’s thinking to become their thinking. They don’t adopt information “as is.”
It takes courage to have your own thoughts. Saying something different from the majority or the loud minority can make you vulnerable to attack. An urge to remain silent to feel safe is what makes people vulnerable to groupthink, which can discourage originality or accountability.
Leaders do not look for safety in numbers. They follow the route that allows them to remain true to themselves and that garners credibility and respect. Advocate for yourself, and demonstrate your leadership. Here are five ways you can become (or remain) an independent thinker:
1. Read.
Reading other people’s words exposes you to their thoughts. Expand your mind by listening to what other individuals have to say. Intentionally seek out articles or books that you might otherwise avoid. Leaders challenge their own views by listening to others.
2. Identify the other argument.
Play devil’s advocate, and challenge your views. Ask yourself, “What if the opposite was true, as well?” Leaders recognize that other people’s perspectives can be right, too.
3. Interact with people who are different than you.
Put yourself out there, and interact with people who may not hold the same views as you. Consider engaging with people of a different age, race/ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, political affiliation or socioeconomic level.
If you know of an individual that has different opinions, ask them to coffee. Make the meeting brief and informal. Don’t feel the need to hash out the issues or iron out your differences in your first conversation. First, get to know the person. You may find commonalities that you were unaware of and to which you can relate. This may help you to be more open to their views and be less attached to your original thinking.
4. Travel.
Open your mind to different cultures and experiences, and enhance your life experience. Go to different parts of your country, as well as foreign countries. Connect with people. Stay in locally owned hotels. Take public transportation. Go to a local market. Travel like a local. Live, even if it is brief, like someone else. Open your eyes to another world.
5. Focus on respect.
If you want to be liked, you risk following what other people do or think. Strive for respect. Leaders take the road less traveled. The path may not be as smooth, but respect and leadership do not come easily.
Do your own thinking. Don’t follow others because it is the easy or safe option. Strength doesn’t come in numbers. Strength comes in one’s ability to have and express one’s views.
This is an interesting article but let’s look a little further into independent thinking and some consequences if misused. This is what I have set aside some time to ponder. Can independent thinking be harmful? Independent thinkers may find it more beneficial to add their thoughts to a group instead of exhibiting a stubbornness of pushing a single thought down others’ throats. Collective thought discussions, giving and taking points is a far better way to define measures. Debates are debates but group discussions allowing many ideas with welcome minds can be more productive.
All of us have ideas, some are more hesitant to share those ideas. In the article I noticed one major impact point, FOCUS ON RESPECT. None of us are going to agree 100% of the time. It brings me to the dress image that went around for a while as to what color was the dress. Sometimes, it is perception more than visual that we find our opinions based.
How to Have Difficult Conversations
Follow these guidelines for challenging encounters and fighting “fair.”
Posted Mar 13, 2017
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Preparation
For challenging or difficult topics, it’s best to plan to have the conversation in advance: “I’d like to talk with you about…” or “We really need to talk about…” Then, mutually agree on a time and a place for the conversation, and agree to meet in a place with enough space for all participants to be “comfortable enough” and to see each other clearly.
It’s never helpful to collect and hold on to feelings of frustration, anger, or resentment for days, weeks, or longer, and then dump them on another person all at once. Whenever possible, try to discuss challenging issues as they come up or soon thereafter.
Ground Rules
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As much as possible, stay at about the same eye level. In other words, it’s best if everyone participating is either seated or standing. It’s generally not helpful for one person to be physically “above” or “below” others.
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Speak directly to the other person(s).
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Speak as calmly in a matter-of-fact tone as possible. This maximizes the chances that others will hear the content of your message, rather than fixate on your emotions.
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Avoid finger-pointing, whether blaming or literally pointing fingers.This tends to make the other person(s) feel that he or she is being lectured or put down.
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Avoid name-calling, yelling, screaming, cursing, put-downs, insults, or threats (emotional or physical). When any of these happen, the only thing other people hear is anger and attack. As a result, they are likely to leave, shut down, or attack as well. Treating others with respect is essential to healthy communication.
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In describing your concerns and the things you’d like to happen differently, be as clear as possible and use specific examples. Avoid the words “always,” “never,” “everything,” and “nothing.” These may express your frustration and upset, but they overgeneralize and are fundamentally inaccurate. As part of a communication process, they are unhelpful.
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No interrupting. When the other person is speaking, consciously listento what he or she has to say with the intent of hearing it. This is very different from waiting for the other person to finish speaking so you can respond. If you’re thinking about what you’re going to say in response, while he or she is still speaking, you’re not listening.
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Make sure you understand what the other person has said before you respond. If you’re not sure what he or she said or meant, ask for clarification. “Could you please repeat that?” “I’m not sure what you mean. Can you please help me better understand?”
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Approach the conversation with openness and an interest in problem solving, rather than needing to be “right.” Anytime we see it as a competition where we need to be “right,” it means the other person has to be “wrong.” This kind of rigid either-or, win-lose, or right-wrong mindset makes conflict much more likely and mutual understanding much less likely.
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Keep to the topic at hand. Focus on the topic of this conversation. Bringing up issues or complaints related to other topics or past events always interferes with healthy communication during the current conversation. Save those other issues for another time. If they continue to be important to you, you’ll remember them.
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Do not walk away or leave the conversation without the other person’s agreement. Allow for the possibility of time-outs. It’s important to discuss and mutually agree to the concept of a “time-out” as needed. Time-outs are not just for young children or professional sports teams. If things start to become too heated, it’s important for people to be able to take a time-out. Time-outs give people the opportunity and the space to calm down and compose themselves, making it possible to continue.
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Take responsibility for feeling the way you do, rather than blaming the other person. No one can make you feel a specific way. Use “I” statements — as in, “I feel…” Be clear and specific about what the other person did that contributed to your reaction. Rather than saying, “You make me so mad,” focus on the other person’s actual behaviors.
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Drop your assumptions. Just because you have been living or working together for a period of time doesn’t mean you know what the other person is feeling or thinking. People grow and change. What you want, need, or expect from each other changes and may need to be renegotiated from time to time.
Copyright 2017 Dan Mager, MSW
This excerpt can be directed to the link for the full article. If you are interested in the entire article, please click on the link above.
Now for my deeper thought, if it can get any deeper: At times all of us think we know best and offer advice even when it is not welcomed. I have given this some deep thought and I am working on holding my advice or maybe I want to say slowing down my method of delivery. If someone asks for my advice, and it would be a reality check, I want to ask that person if they really are looking for the truth, the whole truth, and can they handle the truth? If we find out they are in vent mode and not ready to make a hard decision, let’s listen more and maybe we will learn what would be the best solution or maintain our silence until we hear them display a ready to listen attitude. Sometimes the best advice is to allow the other person to figure it out by asking them how they feel, what they want to see happen, and if they are ready to make a change. In other words, sometimes the best advice is no advice at all.
(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved for my personal blog messages. Third party material, including photos are sourced to original location if known for credit/link reference.
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