PROMISE? JUST WORDS OR DO YOU MEAN THEM?

In our lifetimes, we can make promises, sometimes the same one over and over. Today on the blog, let’s take on promises, what they mean, do we mean them, and what can happen if we break them. Promise me to read this to the end.

NOUN

promise

• 1A declaration or assurance that one will do something or that a particular thing will happen.‘what happened to all those firm promises of support?’with infinitive ‘I did not keep my promise to go home early’More example sentencesSynonyms
  1. 1.1in singular An indication that something is likely to occur.‘dawn came with the promise of fine weather’More example sentencesSynonyms
• 2mass noun The quality of potential excellence.‘he showed great promise even as a junior officer’

VERB

promise

• 1reporting verb Assure someone that one will definitely do something or that something will happen.with infinitive ‘he promised to forward my mail’with clause ‘she made him promise that he wouldn’t do it again’with direct speech ‘‘I’ll bring it straight back,’ she promised’with two objects ‘he promised her the job’More example sentencesSynonyms
  1. 1.1archaic with object Pledge (someone, especially a woman) to marry someone else; betroth.‘I’ve been promised to him for years’
• 2with object Give good grounds for expecting (a particular occurrence)‘forthcoming concerts promise a feast of music’with infinitive ‘it promised to be a night that all would remember’More example sentencesSynonyms
  1. 2.1 Announce (something) as being expected to happen.‘forecasters were promising a record snowfall in Boston’with two objects ‘we’re promised more winter weather tonight’More example sentences
  2. 2.2promise oneselfContemplate the pleasant expectation of.‘he tidied up the sitting room, promising himself an early night’

Once we have the definition both as a noun (substance) and a verb (action) we can dive deeper into how we feel about both. I noticed in the verb definition the word assure is used. How comforting is assured to your mind? I like that word as it reflects an investment by the giver of commitment. When we promise, we are giving a vow of commitment, right? It is not a flippant remark but an assurance we will fulfill the statement. It is more than a casual statement but one made with all intentions of making it happen or keeping it as it is. Expectation from those remarks or as we are saying a promise is created.

As the noun, I see the word declaration. What comes to mind when you hear the word declaration? To me, declaration sounds important, something we should listen to and also serious and almost statesmanship level. We look at wedding vows as a promise to commit to the union or as a bonding relationship. We think seriously when we make a promise……or do we?

I found a great article on When Promises Become Lies and I am including the link if you choose to read it as it is lengthier than I like to excerpt but worth the read. I have included the steps to follow when you have not followed through on a commitment. For the entire article, Go to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201706/when-promises-become-lies

Until you learn to promise only what you actually are able to deliver, here are six simple steps to follow if you’ve let your partner down:

1. Admit your mistake up front. Take responsibility for your end of it. It’s really not that hard.

2. Genuinely apologize for your misunderstanding, unsuccessful prioritization, forgetting, or just making your agreement less important than it was for your partner.

3. Ask your partner if this is a recurring disappointment, and if you’ve used those excuses before. If the answer is “yes,” commit to never using them again.

4. Recognize and validate your partner’s right to feel betrayed. Don’t argue, invalidate, or erase his or her feelings.

5. When you next make a promise or agree to a commitment, write it down with your partner, and put it where both of you can see it.

6. Only promise what you know you can do. Even if your partner seems disappointed at the time, he or she will learn to trust you when you do make a commitment.

Bloggers Note: I grew up in a generation that your “word” was your bond and it was taken as a commitment. We shook hands, but even that was not necessary. A common phrase was “you can take that to the bank” so I take commitments very seriously in business and personal life as well. This has helped me in seeing more successful results. LIVE LIFE, LOVE LIFE, AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST BY SAYING WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEANING WHAT YOU SAY.

(C) Copyright Arline Miller 2012-2019 with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material, including photos, are sourced to the original location if known for credit references.