TODAY THE WORDS are WHAT IS THERE TO SAY? So many times we find ourselves in an awkward position whether it is at home, work, church, or even at a store. It may be during a casual conversation or a deeply emotional talk and there it happens…..the awkward moment of “what is there to say” or “I don’t know what to say” or the one which is the most awkward feeling, “if I say this, it is going to really make them mad.” I feel almost everyone of us have been in this type of moment and usually more times than we would like. You find yourself with a feeling “I need to respond to this” but what do I say? I speak for myself only, but there are more of you out there who have experienced an occurrence when you see or hear something you cannot agree with or you have a total different belief from the person who is speaking. What do you do? Do you nod your head as if you agree or do you state your honest belief? Do you change the subject? Do you pretend you didn’t hear what they said? Even as I write an uncomfortable feeling is going over me recalling several incidents in which I didn’t know what to do.

Here is an excerpt from Psychology Today on this subject:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201410/9-ways-be-there-friend-without-giving-advice

9 Ways to Be There for a Friend Without Giving Advice

Does that mean you should say nothing when a friend or relative faces a dilemma?

I don’t think so. While it’s dangerous to give advice, it’s also dangerous, and perhaps unkind, to say nothing or to back away from a friend’s need to talk about a painful situation. Your withdrawal could be interpreted as cold and distancing, or, worse, uncaring. Even if you end up feeling that you haven’t helped much, many friends feel grateful just because you’ve been willing to take the time to help grapple with their issues. That accomplishment will make you both feel better. That’s the upside.

But before you dive in to help, there are at least five more difficult truths to consider.

1. An adult has the right to make their own decisions about their life. Ultimately what they do is their choice. (For the purposes of this blog, I’m assuming the person is 25 or over—that is, with complete brain development and in possession of all their faculties—and that there is no risk to anyone’s life or limb involved.) 
2. The other person has to live with the decisions they make. You don’t.
3. You can never really know the totality of another person’s situation. What they tell you may be the tip of their personal iceberg.
4. If you have a stake in the outcome of your friend’s action, maybe you can’t be unbiased. Like an honorable judge, recuse yourself from the case.
5. You have likely made some bad decisions in your own life. If you remind yourself of this fact, it will keep you humble and avoid a superior, “I know best” stance.

******************************************************

Here is what I have done……all of the above at one time or another and I am still not sure if I did the right action in each case.    My belief is we do have to give an unwelcome answer or have an unwelcome conversation at times in our lives. It should be an important reason to engage in these types of conversations and not for selfish reasons and/or stubbornness. I mentioned to someone the other day when I was growing up, my Mother got on my case many times and she hurt my feelings most of those times. She didn’t stop when I grew up and became an adult. She told it like it was, and as much as it hurt or even angered me at the time; wisdom has set in and it has become clearer as the years go by; she was right in those times in her intent. How I perceived it was due to my former state of mind at the time. Oh, I reacted as most of us do and shied away from her, pouting as some of us say, but here is what I know. My Mother loved us and sacrificed for all of her children. She only scolded and taught us the right way to do things because she loved us. Did her “mouth whippings” sting? Oh yes they did. Did they help me? Oh yes they did.   

The deeper thought in this message is…..What is there to say? When a conversation has stinging words in them, and if possible, listen to the message and turn off the emotions. If we listen with love and if we talk with love; it will come out in a positive result. It is like a bee sting I received as a child from sticking my nose in every flower bud to smell them; I got stung and it hurt like heck but I learned an important lesson which I never forgot. Something may smell good, but it can contain a sting.. Have a wonderful day. 

FEATURED BIBLE VERSE:

1 John 3:18 ESV 

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

(c) copyright 2012-2019 Arline Lott Miller. The material here copyrighted, use only by permission. Third party material is sourced, if known, to original location for credit reference.

On my blog, I try to not promote my books since most of my readers are looking for inspirational or life lessons, but this thought came to me because I am closing in on the ending of my third and final book in a series Reflections of Love. Again, this is not to isolate this blog message into a self promotion, but I have learned a life lesson writing this last book and I thought I would share it with you. You may find this applicable to many other projects or efforts.

As a teenager, I made a typical statement without giving it much thought and only because I loved to read. When I would read a book, I wasn’t thinking of criticism but admiration. I felt if I could write a book, then it would be a mountain high accomplishment. I said to anyone who would listen “Someday I will write a book.” I left it at that point without giving it more thought. I didn’t choose a genre either.

As I went through life, gaining a lot of life experience by working, marrying and having a child, visiting foreign countries, obtaining management jobs, and all the while never giving writing a second thought other than a few special poems for my Mother. I have heard the expression “It hit me like a bolt out of the blue” but my experience was more like a light itch that wouldn’t go away. Then it happened. After two divorces and a commitment to never marry again, I found myself writing in longhand to begin with, a suspenseful romance novel with a lot of twists. Call it having a lot of time on my hands. I allowed several people to read what I had written and some encouraged me. Others found my look at realism of life was a little strong for the weak stomach. I found myself putting it away but kept the pages.

Years later, with a change in my relationship status to happily married, I came across the pages. I thought to myself, “You said you would write a book one day and that day is here.” I found it easy to find excuses to have absences from disciplined writing sessions but somehow that book would keep me scratching that writer’s itch and one day I said to myself, “You are either going to finish that book or throw it away.” My choice was to write it and “A Mistress, A Wife” was born. Not to boast, but I was proud to get the first review of 5 Stars and then more came.

I don’t know if I planned consciously for a sequel but my readers wanted more and the next book came “Tell Me Lies; Love Me Still” came easier or I made the appropriate measures to fit in therapy for my writer’s itch. I loved writing this one as I had learned from the first novel so even the editing was smoother. Okay, now is the reason for this post…….Both books were 5 Star with only one 3.5 Star Reviews. I realized a third and final book to complete the story was necessary. I had been a good student of expression and found I have a passion for twists and turns and giving the reader a reason to try to figure out what happens next. This was the hook. I found myself writing “Riddle Me This, Love or Bliss?”

When I ask the title question of this blog, IS THE THIRD TIME A CHARM?It definitely is a charm for my third marriage as I am blessed with a wonderful, supportive husband. I am asking myself that question about writing. This book has given me a pause for the cause and I have asked myself more life enhancing questions as to what is the drive behind the writing. I have written a lot of poetry, one failed attempt at songwriting, have blogged for 7 years, gave more advice only from making so many mistakes I felt like an expert, and now finishing this book. What makes me write?

See if you can relate……The Deeper Thought: I love to share feelings, good and intense feelings. Whether it is any of my writing outlets, I have a lot of spirit in me and I think most of us do. We express it in different outlets. Some sing; some write; some paint; some orate; some network. All in all, we love to communicate some of our spirit to others. Maybe that is why a butterfly flits and flutters around us as that may be their form of communication with humans and animals. Maybe a cloud changes shapes to get our attention. Maybe a flower blooms and then dissipates to cause emotion of missing them when they are gone. The third time or any time we pause and consider we need each other in some form, it is a charm.

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration and author with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced to original location if known for credit reference.

This morning, I woke up and wasn’t as high energy as normally I am and turned on the news and everything was negative with the current political world with either anger, distrust, fantasy cures, and I turned it off. To watch any more, I would have to have rose colored glasses to stand all the rhetoric from all sides so this is not aimed at anyone. I am now looking for rose colored glasses or maybe find some extra common, logical sense to lend them. While thinking this thought, I found a post from years ago and for some reason, it fits today. I hope you get the point of my message. Here goes:

WHERE DID MY ROSE COLORED GLASSES GO? Once in a while I will have a topic come to me without outside influence. When talking to my daughter, the topic of people seeing life for what it really is. Even though we want to think the best of people, we have to have eyes wide open and minds in sync with reality. Years ago, I took off my rose colored glasses. I hope I will never need them again.  John Conlee wrote a beautiful song and I used to sing it a lot. I actually bought a pair of rose colored sunglasses at a time when this was a fashion trend (not that I was such a fashioniva). So many things were distorted in my life at this particular time in my life. One verse now comes to mind in a different context:

So I just keep on hopin’, believingThat maybe by counting the many times, I’ve triedYou’ll believe me when I say, I love youAnd I’ll lay these rose colored glasses aside.

Courtesy: John Conlee – Rose Colored Glasses Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Here is an excerpt from an article I find helpful in our discussion:

Be positive but stay realistic

How do you think and feel about the past, the present and the future?

Do you tend to see the good side and the opportunities or do you tend to focus on the problems and things that might go wrong?

How realistic are you being?

All of this matters for how happy and satisfied we are with our livesWHY DO IT?

People who are optimistic tend to be happier, healthier and cope better when times are tough. So there are a lot of advantages to looking at the world through a positive lens and focusing on the things that are good. However, it’s possible to be unrealistically optimistic which isn’t a good thing. And it’s certainly not helpful to put a positive spin on everything or pretend that things are fine if they’re clearly notWhether we are naturally an optimist or more of a pessimist, it’s impossible to know what the future holds. So perhaps the best of both worlds is to be a realistic optimist – someone who tends to maintain a positive outlook, but within the constraints of what they know about the world.Whether we tend to be optimistic or pessimistic is part of our personality, and can be hard to change – but it is possible. We can become more conscious of our own patterns of thought and learn skills to help us be more flexible in our outlook.Source: ACTION FOR HAPPINESS http://www.actionforhappiness.org/take-action/be-positive-but-stay-realistic

By thinking of those lines, I think of God singing this lyric to all of His Children who hesitate to believe how much God loves us and how many times He has tried to show us and most of us live with rose colored glasses on trusting in ourselves only and not giving God the credit for all of the good things in our lives. John Conlee didn’t have this idea in his mind but doesn’t it fit for any of us who refuse to take off the rose colored glasses of life which distort the truth and take us down paths we don’t need to go? I am thankful for pulling off those rose colored glasses and seeing, believing, and trusting in God’s truth. I can now see how many times GOD tried to show me how much He loves me and you. Today, I dived into the deeper thought by the message itself, but I leave you with this thought. God’s love is deeper than any ocean, wider than any river, and higher than any mountain and is everlasting! 

FEATURED BIBLE VERSE:

1 Peter 3:3-4Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced, if known, to original location for credit reference.

Yesterday, a good friend of my husband jokingly asked what was the name of our new restaurant. While I was explaining how I love to cook for my man, our kids, the grands, and when we have company, I would never consider cooking for a living. I have the utmost respect for those who have chosen that occupation. This lively conversation took me back to this blog and I thought I would share it with my readers in case some missed it.

PERILS OF BEING A GREAT COOK is a comical look at being a Southern Cook. This morning my husband and I were having a chuckle over our weigh in. Now, it is not literally funny as we both would prefer losing some weight and the topic went to how he explains to people why he is heavier now than when they all went to school……”My wife is such a great cook and I don’t want to disappoint her.” It brings us to our blog topic.

Let’s look at the benefits of Southern Cooking or in reality any regional cooking style that puts the fluff on our bods!

Ways to laugh about a Southern Cook reason to cook:

1- We cook a lot of food as if we are cooking our last meal or in case the power goes out. We fuss about all of the food in the refrigerator but that is really bragging on our part.

2- If our food receives compliments, and we have leftovers; we can hear the same compliments again. In reality everyone is thinking, “Are we eating the same thing over and over?”

3- We believed the saying “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” as gospel. We tell our husbands that if something happens to us, they better not be trying to find a pretty wife but one who can cook like us.

4- We want to win the competition when men gather and start talking about which one has the best cook and they try to name more good dishes we cook. We don’t want to hear about how many fish they caught but how much they bragged on our cooking.

5- We want to hear the “I ate too much” groan as they slide on the recliner with the follow up line “I need a nap to wear this off.” We worry more if they don’t eat than them gaining weight.

6- And this is probably the secret reason, we want to hear “I am not going to tell Momma, but you made this better than her.” This is a rare statement but if we ever hear that it is better than winning the Betty Crocker Award. The worst critique after they have emptied all of the bowls is to hear “Momma always made us this _________ and she could make it better than anyone. A cold shower doesn’t work as good as this line for killing romance.

7- We begin posting every meal we cook to see how many likes and shares as well as requests for the recipes. We reply that it is a family recipe, right? That means right after we copied it off Pinterest or the Food Network.

8- We will cook an occasional healthy meal just in case someone criticizes our unhealthy fattening cooking style. It is more for show and once we receive the kudos for watching our family’s eating habits, we make a pan of homemade cathead biscuits, grab the butter and syrup and redeem ourselves. Not to forget the pies and cakes we make to show our true love.

All of this is in jest but there is some truth in how we, as Southern cooks, love cooking. It is rare for a Southern gal to not know how to cook like most of us do. When we good cooks hear that someone hates cooking or is a rare bad cook, we have to stop ourselves from saying “what’s wrong with that gal?”

All of us have our hobbies and talents but most southern ladies will proudly tell you “Cooking and Baking” if you ask what they love to do.

• 

• 

Live Life, Love Life, and Live Life to the Fullest by Cooking til the Last of the Goodies are Gone.

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced, if known to the original location for credit reference.

TODAY THE WORD is SILENCE. For someone, such as me, it is hard to fathom silence, but silence is “golden” as some wise person said. In my lifetime, I have learned the most when I listened to others and then soaked it into my mind. Those times have produced maturity and wisdom, more than my many trials and errors. The amusing thing is when I was young, I didn’t seem to think I had a lot to say and was a quieter person. Have you found yourself speaking up more in our middle years? Are you more expressive or did you learn that silence is golden? What I find amusing in this life is when we chatter boxes try the silence period, people want to find out what is wrong. Monks go through periods of years after taking a vow of silence. Do you think they do more thinking during that period or more praying? Both of these processes are vital to our spiritual growth. In our lives, instead of confronting a situation before we have had time to be silent, and think and pray for the right words to express our feelings without a lot of emotion may be “golden”. This way, we may avoid the trap of useless words in haste. A word of silence may be a thunderous roar in Heaven and may be viewed sincere as it is a sign of respect. 

The old saying of “Bite your tongue” may really mean use a moment of silence to regain your composure. I think back when I was young and I would see an old man who whittled away at a chunk of wood. He wasn’t a friendly sort of man, but not unpleasant either. He spent a lot of time in silence and I wondered what he was thinking while he was whittling. We, as a nation, spend a lot of time discussing “important” matters but spend so little time praying over them. As individuals, we pray; as a nation, we don’t. I think if we would spend more silent time in reverence since God hears us when we speak from our hearts as well as from our mouth. As a writer, this may sound counterproductive as I express my thoughts through my words, but I have a lot of silent moments.   

Now for the deeper thought….Maybe, today I will put aside all of the chatter and go inside where I know God dwells and listen to my heart beat, count my blessings that God has allowed me another day to listen and learn from Him. He will present my lessons for today and if I listen closely, He will offer solutions. Listen to the inner voice and see what happens!

FEATURED BIBLE VERSE:

Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”  

(c) copyright 2012-2019 Arline Lott Miller. The material here copyrighted, use only by permission. Third party material is sourced to original location if known for credit reference.

Before all of my Keto loving friends go bonkers on me, I am focusing the large percentage of my “portions” as low carb. I have found out for me if I go strict and try no carbs, I cannot stay on this lifestyle or really eating style for very long. Yes, I lose weight but my inner craving self becomes a monster and I find myself slipping and then falling off. So, what have I learned to do? I add some small portions of carbs into my meals but still maintain higher portions to the low carbs or good carbs. I don’t advocate for anyone else this is the way to go, but so far and it has been a lot longer than other patterns of eating, it works for me. I have lost weight and kept it off and guess what? I eat bread occasionally, a dessert (very small portion) occasionally, and a few bites of cheese and macaroni.

TODAY THE WORDS are WHY DEPRIVE; CUT PORTIONS AND THRIVE. I have been doing a lot of re-thinking my eating program. I hate to use the word program as it depicts some sort of the forbidden word “diet” but it is important we think not worry. Today I would like to share some of my thoughts about WHY DEPRIVE; CUT PORTIONS AND THRIVE. In order to do this, I want to shake up some of the ideas we have been supplied over the past few decades. From all of the great “resolves” most of us have ended up with more weight on our bodies from all of the deprivation.   

Yesterday when I covered my decision to use the Tablespoon of the No-No foods during the holidays and shared it with some other friends; I realized from the follow up discussions with the ones who exercised this technique (by the way, nothing to buy or special products) they didn’t gain during the holidays and now are excited about becoming very serious to get in control of their health. In other words; they didn’t feel deprived. Neither did I.  I am not advocating eating the No-Nos every day but when we can feel we had the pleasure of tasting some of the No-Nos but not overindulging; it is a good day.   Let’s take a walk down memory lane and remember how school lunches USED to be created. They were selections from the food groups. We had protein, starch or good carbs as veggies, fruit, bread, and even dessert. Think about how few kids were overweight; yes that is right. It was very unusual for a child to be chubby. We were active and not sitting idle. Hmmm??? Maybe that is a different topic for another day. Here is the focus of what I am thinking…..Portions! We were given a certain amount of each food group and not allowed 4 portions of starches or bread or even dessert. It was proportionately divided to insure we ate from all of the food groups. May I ask a question? Why did we change the way we used to eat when life was grand and all of the fish were jumping? 

Commercialism is the culprit. Along came the microwave and the fast food (which I believe is the fast track to our demise). We grabbed on that destructive train with a vengeance and became lazy. This didn’t help us in the activity area either. I can remember going to the garden and picking the foods for our dinner or at least preparing for the freezer for later. Here is my thought on what has caused more obesity than having a cookie once in a while, a piece of bread with butter on it occasionally, or even a serving of lasagne or spaghetti……it is the ability to grab any quantity of fried chicken, pizza, burgers and fries super sized, or buffets where the philosophy is to eat as much as your body can hold because you are paying one price for whatever. You may not agree with my thinking but at least think about what you are eating and remember portions. You can or cannot count calories (that kind of stuff messes with my ADD) but a portion is the way to go in my mind. One piece of meat, one or two vegetables, one moderate size carb, one toasted or dark bread, and occasionally something sweet but try to stay away from gooey or a portion of fruit will go a long way in your system working right. At least consider changing from the idea of I can’t have to How much of any of the food group should I have?   

May you find your way on the eating trail of life. I am not a health expert but I have found that the so called diets do not work for me and I don’t want to deprive; I want to cut portions and thrive.   HEALTHY BITES has been created to offer healthy recipes and you can click on this page for them. Also if you follow me on Pinterest, or even if you don’t, you can find great healthy recipes on many boards. Until we read or eat again…….Arline Miller, author and fellow eater!  

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller with rights and permissions reserved. Third party material is sourced, if original location is known, for credit reference.

A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine Wanda Medders posted a facebook quote which is below. This created a conversation between us and I replied except in Heaven. This inspired today’s post and as usual, I find life lessons by comparing our day to day activities. I hope you enjoy this post, I thank Wanda for being the inspiration, and for God giving me another reason to share reasons for us to strive to be our best.

One morning, slightly different from the others, I stood on the front porch. I had prepped the food for the family gathering and was feeling excitement for people to start arriving. The clouds were the fluffiest of white, billowing with slight movement which was mesmerizing. The sun was beginning to peek out behind the horizon and its rays became more dominant. I realized how much preparation it had taken to have this great reunion. I had washed the vegetables to make sure they were clean from all outside germs and residue. I had gathered all of the essential ingredients and placed them with the other ingredients which would be mixed, creamed, chopped, whipped, and stirred to make the perfect dishes. Seasonings had been gathered to enhance the flavors of the natural foods.

I took a few seconds to look down the street to see if my guests were arriving and I thought, How silly, it is too early for them to come. They have their prep work too. They had to bathe, dress, pack some essentials, make sure their home would be secure during their absence, load the car, and start their journey to come to the gathering.

I went back inside and knew that I would not have to wait long but I would keep busy while I waited. It was a joy to be the one to see their reaction to all of the wonderful feast and setting made especially with love for them. All of the favorites of each one would be there. They would visit with each other with lots of hugs and affection and laughter. Yes, there would be laughter and joy. As they ate from the bountiful feast, they would feel so much peace and comfort and this thought kept me busy. However, ever so often, I would go to the door and look both ways to see if I could get a glimpse of the company I had waited for and I could feel the anticipation building.

After a while, I looked and saw vehicles coming down the street. My heart started pounding with excitement. I hadn’t seen some of them in quite a while. As each car door opened, I smiled and felt an inner glow. They had arrived. The joy was overwhelming and then I stopped in my tracks. Where was Jane? I didn’t see Jane. I looked and looked through all of the ones who came and I didn’t see Jane. I asked where is Jane? No one seemed to know where Jane was or why she wasn’t there. I had called Jane and I told her she was expected at this gathering. She didn’t give me any reason why she wouldn’t come. I was so confused and even though the gathering was such a happy event, there was something missing…….Jane.

Blogger’s Note: I wrote this message in a way a lot of you can relate. What I would like for your mind to envision is this is our loved one in Heaven who is waiting for that moment she or he can see us arriving in Heaven and the joy attached to the family gathering for eternity. We make the same decision whether to attend or to not go. Our loved ones want us to be sitting at the Master’s table so when the invitation comes and it will, please RSVP you will be there and ready to dance on the clouds.

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced to original location if known for credit references.

TODAY THE WORDS are MENDING FENCES.  Not all of us have worked on a farm, but some of us have helped when a fence needed repair or as we say in the South, “We have some fences that need mending”.

In life, I can’t recall a time that all people think alike and agree on everything. We have different schedules, goals, careers, hobbies, loves and dislikes. Sometimes, words spoken can have a different meaning that is expressed and this blog may shed light on how we can create our own drama by tearing down a fence or destroying a relationship simply by not considering how our words affect another.

As we see the meaning of “mending” in the dictionary is:

mend·ing /ˈmendiNG/

Noun     Things to be repaired by sewing or darning: “a muddle of books and mending”.

Synonyms   repair – mend – correction – refit – darning

The reason I wanted to show the meaning of mending is the synonyms for this word and how my thoughts are going this morning. “Repair” -“mend” – “correction” – “refit” – “darning” are words that we should use in our lives. Not too many of us will ever experience the actual art of “mending fences” but what about mending fences in our lives? A lot of us have people that during our lifetime we have had disagreements and have torn down relationship fences. We have said things in anger or disapproval that in time need to be “fixed”. Mending is repairing or correcting; so there lies the need to correct or repair relationships, friendships, families, and/or co-workers. I think we can reap the rewards of mending fences by looking at a “job well done” when we have spoken or hashed out our differences and made peace. Have you heard stories of how sisters or brothers; parents or children; business partners; and in extreme cases husband and wife not speaking for long periods of time? Those are fences in bad need of mending. Let’s mend fences with those we love and look at our life in a proud accomplishment. I read a post on a social media which disturbed me by its wording. It seemingly grouped social media friends as superficial and not REAL friends. Not that I don’t believe any one is capable of appearing superficial but to lop everyone in that same category is border line superficial in itself. We have different relationships, all which are based on what is going on in our lives. Some might get offended by this “generalized throw everyone one in and even the kitchen sink” theory, but the writer probably was calling out a few who had offended them in some way. Our words carry a lot of weight so it is as important to learn to take words as grains of salt and make up your mind if the fence is worth repairing or should you just tear it down. Your choice….. Now for the deeper thought.….Has God repaired or mended you? He is the Master Carpenter, Handiman, and Architect and will gladly add an addition to your home, His Love, Mercy and Grace if you contract with Him to live a life filled with love, charity, understanding, and forgiveness and repentance. FEATURED BIBLE VERSE: Mark 11:22-25 22 Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. 23I assure you that you can say to this mountain, ‘May God lift you up and throw you into the sea,’ and your command will be obeyed. All that’s required is that you really believe and do not doubt in your heart. 24Listen to me! You can pray for anything, and if you believe, you will have it. 25But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too   (C) copyright 2012-2019 Arline Lott Miller. The material here copyrighted, use only by permission. Third party material if source is known, is referenced to original location for credit.

JEALOUSY IS NOT A HAPPY OPTION is the focus of today’s blog. This post is not a defensive post but I think you will appreciate the thought behind this topic as I move forward in my thoughts. Let’s dive right into this one.

Keeping up with the Jones was a phrase I have heard most of my life. Our parents taught us to be happy for others’ accomplishments and also for their success. We were also taught to be excited about gifts, awards, successes, and even benchmark accomplishments. To sum up how we were taught how to be happy for ourselves and others, I will recall a statement from my Mother, “Always remember, you are not any better than anyone else, but always remember no one is any better than you.”  This has stayed with me all my life and it reflects in how happy I am when I see someone receive those things I mentioned whether it is a gift, a new car, home, trip, and especially if they are recognized for a personal accomplishment. It doesn’t have to be a status symbol or even a monetary gain. It is true joy that another human being has an opportunity to smile and exude happiness.

If you are always trying to figure out what everyone else is doing wrong, you will not have the time to figure out what you need to do right…..Just saying…...Arline Miller

Arline Lott Miller Life is so much better with positive insertions and people. When I look at negative people, my heart goes out for them and my mind wants to kick them in the rear for looking on the negative side. Everyone has stories and things happen to good and bad people. That is life. Everyone has bad days but I guarantee you the attitude of how many more good days we have will get us through any bad day. I agree the people we surround ourselves around makes the difference if we ourselves maintain a positive outlook. We can’t ever be the pot calling the kettle black. I love being happy!

I found an interesting article on why it is healthy and essential to our happiness to not be jealous of others:

Stop Hating: Five Reasons It Pays to Get Happy About Other People’s Success

The next time someone you know gets great news, don’t hate — celebrate with them. Remember, you reap what you sow: You can look forward to welcoming more joy into your own life as you celebrate other people’s success. By Tai Goodwin, Contributor

According to the Urban Dictionary, a “hater” can be defined by:

• A person who feels anger and/or jealousy for someone who has succeeded in something they have worked hard for.
• A being that speaks badly, and/or takes negative actions in attempt to create problems for a successful person.

Clearly, being a “hater” is not a good thing. And how we handle other people’s success, especially when things may not be going so well for us, is an indicator of our maturity and belief in ourselves.

So what do you do when you see someone thriving with the opportunities, recognition, clients and wins that you want for your life or business? You learn to celebrate other people’s success.

If you master generating genuine happiness for other people, not only will you find a cure for the envy, which can sabotage your success, but there are additional benefits as well. Here’s what you open the door to as you welcome and express joy for others:

• Freedom from frustration and worry. When you see another person’s win as a loss for you, you pave the way for discouragement and resentment to set in. Instead allow other people’s success to ignite hope for the success coming in your time of harvest.
• More opportunities to be happy! Rejoicing with others creates an opportunity to multiply the good times you get to celebrate. By seizing every chance to sincerely congratulate other’s on their success, you are creating an atmosphere for others to be willing to celebrate your successes.
• Improved relationships with others. Healthy relationships involve sharing both ups and downs. People are more likely to respond positively to you if they sense that you’re truly happy for them.
• Good karma. You reap what you sow. Giving unselfishly creates a win for everybody.

I know, it all sounds good, but how do you actually pull it off — and do it sincerely? Here are seven ideas:

1. Proactively look for opportunities to shine a spotlight on someone else. Keep in touch with what’s going on in the lives of the people around you. Others may be bashful about mentioning their own victories but still appreciate having their efforts recognized.
2. Create a daily gratitude list. It’s difficult to be happy for other people when you are dissatisfied with your life. Remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have to be grateful for. Go one step better and share one thing a day with someone.
3. Be aware of your jealousy. Weigh the consequences of jealousy and envy. Be honest with yourself when you notice your thoughts and feelings heading down a negative path.
4. “Fake it till you make it.” Or as Karen Salmansohn says — “Faith it till you make it.” It’s okay to use some artificial gestures to get started. Even if you’re not purely happy that your ex-husband got an award, you can say something gracious.
5. Start with the people you love. Charity starts at home and so should the celebration. It might be difficult to get instantly excited about the lives of strangers. However, you can start by focusing on the people closest to you. For example, cheer with enthusiasm when your cousin wins an award, your brother gets a promotion, or a friend successfully closes a deal.
6. Work your way up to dealing with the hard stuff. For example, celebrating with someone that got something you wanted for yourself or being happy for someone you believe is undeserving.
7. With practice, you’ll be able to tackle the more sensitive issues. When you find the techniques that work with the people you love, you can use those same strategies with more challenging opportunities.

So the next time someone you know gets great news, don’t hate — celebrate with them. Remember, you reap what you sow: You can look forward to welcoming more joy into your own life as you celebrate other people’s success.

I am asked frequently why I am so positive and happy and I assure you I am a genuinely happy person and if I wasn’t, I would be the first to tell you. I found out as a child that even though I love people and enjoy their company, I love being alone as well. I am content and I don’t have to be surrounded by others to enjoy my life. I love and enjoy my relationship with my husband for all of the same reasons. We can be with each other and enjoy our time but both of us are separate in ourselves as well. My husband can be alone as well and can be busy with his own projects and hobbies. As well as we blend, we can stand strong on our own. We are not jealous of each other’s friends and sometimes become friends with them or we don’t. It is not mandatory but a gift if given. This allows freedom within a relationship. This is a lesson of life by allowing each other to be an important part of the other’s life but not a requirement to be everything in every way in any given day. We choose to be together and this is a freedom and not a chain. I may have shared with you one of the best secrets of a happy and loving relationship.

LIVE LIFE, LOVE LIFE, AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST by never wanting to be a copy of anyone else. You are special and unique so enjoy yourself. No one is better than you but you are not any better than any one else. Just different and that makes you special.

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced to original location if known for credit reference and available links.