Recently, I posted on the topic of Everyone Has a Book in Them and soon afterwards, I found myself in the process of the last book in the Trilogy of REFLECTIONS OF LOVE, titled Riddle Me This, Love or Bliss? When this memory came up this morning on my Facebook newsfeed, I realized I wrote this post in 2012, three years prior to publishing my first novel A Mistress, A Wife. The focus for this post came into view so I thought I would share Fearlessness with my readers. If I had not been fearless, not only would I never have stepped out and written the novels which will soon complete the larger goal of a Trilogy.

Can you see the message for all of us, whether it is in writing, singing, painting, wood carving, construction, speaking, mentoring, teaching, ministering, and any of the other life dreams? If we live fearless, we can accomplish many things.

I found a great list of things to consider and to ponder in our quest of being fearless. I have inserted the link to the full article HOW TO BE FEARLESS (10 actions) as I have only added an excerpt from it.

If you want to live fearlessly, you absolutely must let go of some beliefs and actions. Here are some of them:

• What other people think of you. You will never please everyone, and it is rarely worth sacrificing yourself to accommodate some other person’s beliefs about who you should be or what you should do.
• Fear of failing. You will fail. Again and again and again. Failure is the pathway to success. It is an inevitable part of success. Accept that, and failure won’t be so intimidating.
• Your status. This is pure ego and part of what other people think of you. Your status isn’t based on anything real. Just perception. Is it worth giving up real happiness for status?
• The discomfort of fear. Fear is uncomfortable. No one likes to be sitting in fear. We’ll do just about anything to avoid it. But you must know from experience, it is temporary. And it doesn’t kill you.
• Embarrassment. Sometimes we may look stupid, silly, out-of-touch, inexperienced, fumbling, weak, or vulnerable. It will happen, but you must not let it hold you back. People forget your foolishness long before you do. They are far more interested in themselves!

If you can let go of these manacles of fear, then you are well on your way to living a fearless life. But just letting go is only part of the process. You must take action.

Here are some very specific actions to show you how to be fearless.

1. Stay open to all possibilities. Let go of outcomes. You may think you want to go right, but life takes you left. So go with what life presents. Left might be more fun anyway.

2. Embrace change. Even change that appears negative. Change is constant and is part of the evolution of life and the human experience. Don’t fight it. It will happen anyway, so follow it where it leads you.

3. Make plans, but make them loosely. Set goals for yourself and work toward them. But remember, you are staying open to possibilities and embracing change. Work toward your goal, but watch for signs to recalibrate.

4. Write a mission statement. When you apply your values and vision to every decision of your life, you have a road map that keeps you from veering off in directions that don’t support who you really are or want to be. Here’s an article on writing a mission statement.

5. Find mentors. Look for people whose lives or work you want to emulate. Watch what they do and how they do it. Ask for their help and guidance. Recently, a mentor for me in creating my blog and writing is Mary Jaksch of Goodlife Zen and Write to Done. She started a blog just a couple of years ago and has now built an amazing business — with integrity.

6. Challenge yourself. Find those areas in your life where you feel fear. For me, it’s public speaking. I still haven’t done anything about it, but I know it will greatly enhance my life once I face that little demon. What is it for you? Look those fears in the eye, and accept a little discomfort so you can reap the great rewards of stepping out of your comfort zone.

7. Think big. Why not? Why not make the biggest plans, the boldest actions, the most challenging decisions? You don’t know unless you try. You can stay small and safe. Blah, blah, blah. Or you can live an extraordinary life. Read about Chris Guillebeau at The Art of Non-Conformity. This guy has done more in his thirty years than most people have done in a lifetime.

8. Create partnerships. My friend Laura talks about people in her “cluster” — people who share a similar vision and world view. Find people in your cluster and make great partnerships. Find someone you trust to work with you on your bold adventures. Broaden your circle of partners so you have a tribe of people working together for mutual benefit. This is broader than networking. It’s working together to create a net of influence, inspiration and action.

9. Seek support. If there is something you really want, but fear is holding you back, don’t go it alone. There are some fears that need deeper unraveling. I can’t imagine not being to fly in an airplane or socialize with people, but these are very real fears for some people. Whatever it is, don’t give up. Find a counselor or coach to help you. You are in control, not your fears.

10. Action, action, action. That is the greatest cure for fear. Decide what you want to achieve, then start doing the work. Focus on the task at hand. Then the next task, then the next. Action is more powerful than great books, great blogs, great motivational speakers, or great plans. Even when you are in a slump or feel afraid, just do something.

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Note from Arline Miller: Maybe, I don’t see my dreams to fulfillment, I have already lived a fantastic life. I am a small town girl from Douglas, GA but I like to say I have been fearless. Life afforded me opportunities that otherwise I would have never experienced. I went forwarded and never thought NO. Sure, many things didn’t lead me to riches. However, I believe if riches and/or fame are the only reasons you want to accomplish your dreams, they may not give you the true reward in life……I actually set a goal to see my dreams a reality…..and I did it!!

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration and author with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced, if known, to original locations for credit references.

As a writer, I said many times, everyone has a story inside them. Everyone has a past which contains mystery, comedy, complexity, fantasy, and reality. You may not write your book, but you live the movie….Until We Read Again….Arline Miller

As I complete the final review prior to my third book, RIDDLE ME THIS, LOVE OR BLISS? I have thought about the people who have approached me to write their life story for them as they don’t feel they have a gift for writing. I understand their concern, as my books come from imagination and are fictional. This morning, however, as I began to review this book which is the final book in the series, Reflections of Love, I thought about my life story. While I was contemplating what I would write about, the opening thought above came to me.

I will save my life story and probably will not ever write it as I find the fictional, imaginative story quite fascinating…..but is that not a storyline in itself.

Are you a writer? I found an interesting list of questions from the article link below. You can go to the full article by clicking on the title. Let us look at some questions which might help you make up your mind:

The First Essential Question: Why Do You Write?

George Orwell, in an essay about why we write, said this:

[We write out of] sheer egoism. Desire to seem clever, to be talked about, to be remembered after death, to get your own back on the grown-ups who snubbed you in childhood, etc., etc. It is humbug to pretend this is not a motive, and a strong one…. Serious writers, I should say, are on the whole more vain and self-centered than journalists, though less interested in money.

In other words, Orwell says we write to be admired.

But honestly, I think George Orwell was wrong. Fame, admiration, self-centered vanity aren’t really what we’re looking for.

We write to connect. 

The truth is, being known, being loved, is so much better than being admired.

Amanda Palmer said it like this:

For most of human history, artists have been part of the community. Connectors and openers, not untouchable stars. Celebrity is about a lot of people loving you from a distance. But the internet—and the content we’re freely able to share on it—is about taking it back. It’s about a few people loving you up close, and about those people being enough.

Ask yourself, “Why do you write?” Why do you really write? Is it about fame? Vanity? Celebrity? Or is it deeper than that?

Do you write to connect?

The Second Essential Question: How Do You Change People?

I think it’s great to make money at writing. I think it’s important to get paid for your work.

However, the question, “How do I make a living writing?” is the wrong question.

Instead, how do you CHANGE people with your writing?

Because if you can offer transformation people will pay whatever you ask.

The Third Essential Question: What can you write that no one else can?

Because if you can write something unique, something different from anything else in the market, something that people also like, your fans will buy everything and anything you ask.

The Fourth Essential Question: How do you connect your emotions to your story?

“No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader,” said Robert Frost.

How do you get so deep into your characters (or else choose characters similar to you and your story) so that you can summon the emotional depth necessary to tell an entertaining and transformative story?

The Fifth Essential Question: How can you LIVE a story as interesting as the ones on the page?

Because of you look at the writers we most admire they took risks with their lives.

Ernest Hemingway, Mary Shelley, John Steinbeck, Virginia Woolf—they all lived lives as interesting as the ones they wrote about. Part of their marketing (their platform you might say) was based on how they lived, not just how they wrote.

Your biggest asset as a writer is your experiences. How are you going to create experiences that help you be a better writer?

What are some other questions you’re bringing to your writing?

Here are some questions I’ve heard from other writers:

• Why do I struggle at the end?
• What if no one connects with my art?
• What if I try to write one story and it becomes something else?
• What do I do with my fear?
• What if I’ve outgrown my story?
• Does rewriting always make your story better?

How about you? What questions are you bring to your writing? Let me know in the comments.

PRACTICE

Pick one person you would like your writing to connect with.

Then, write something just for him or her.

Write for fifteen minutes. When you’re finished, share your practice in the comments section. And if you share, please be sure to give feedback on a few practices by your fellow writers.

Happy writing!Joe Bunting

Joe Bunting is an author and the founder of The Write Practice. He is the author of the #1 Amazon Bestseller Let’s Write a Short Story! You can follow him on Instagram (@jhbunting).

Thanks, Joe for this wonderful thought provoking list of questions for all of those who wonder if they can write. I suggest anyone who has the desire to write, start with a short story, get the ink flowing, and then read what you wrote. If you would have read this story as a reader only, would you have found it interesting?

Good luck if you pursue writing as a hobby and/or a career. I won’t say it is easy, and it takes perseverance and a determination as well as thick skin….Arline Miller, author and blogger.

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller, author and blogger of Sipping Cups of Inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced to original location, if known, for credit references.

There is a lot of life events going on for me and a lot of my family. It is making it difficult to write the blog. I will try to keep it up as much as possible but I would appreciate all of my readers bearing with me while I am there. This morning, I had this thought and if I have an inspirational thought, I will post on Facebook. Here it is:

My thoughts are in sync with this quote too. Until we Read Again, Arline Miller, author and blogger.

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced to original location, if known for credit reference.

Sorry for the absence lately, but I am in the writer’s review and editing segment of my final book in the series of Reflections of Love which will be titled Riddle Me This, Love or Bliss. It is coming down to the wire and I am pleased with this book for several reasons and one of those reasons has to do with the title and focus of this blog, BE REAL OR GET REAL. So, let’s dive in.

Most of you who follow this blog have heard the story of how I wanted to write a book in my younger years. Mind you, I didn’t say I wanted to be a writer….two distinctions which brings me to the focus. I have said many times, there is a book inside everyone as we have a story to tell. Not everyone has the desire to put their story out there. I have written and published two books and neither are about my life. This third one is based on the story in the first two books. I find writing fiction easier. Why? If I took my life story, it would be a good book or at least I think it would be.

So, why don’t I write it? Probably to keep my life private. Is that the reason some of you who most likely have best seller life stories don’t write about them. Let’s get real…….Why? I think the best reason is we are not confident in some of the decisions we have made in life. Let us dig a little deeper on this part of the thought provoking process by asking ourselves a few questions that were obtained in the following article:

13 Questions To Ask Yourself To Identify The Right Goal

Forbes Coaches CouncilCOUNCIL POST | Paid ProgramLeadership

Thirteen members of Forbes Coaches Council share the questions that individuals should ask themselves to identify the right goal on their path to success. ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF FORBES COUNCILS MEMBERS.

1. What’s The Purpose?

To ensure you’re creating goals that are genuinely right for you, ask yourself, “What is the purpose behind my goal? Is it a goal I want to pursue or feel like I have to pursue?” If you feel that you have to pursue the goal, then get rid of it. If it’s a goal you want to pursue, continue to remind yourself why it’s important to you. What value in your life is this goal honoring? – Rosie Guagliardo, InnerBrilliance Coaching

2. What Does A Successful Outcome Look And Feel Like?

Start with the end in mind and imagine you have already reached your desired outcome fully and completely. What are the major milestones that helped you get there? By asking these questions, you can identify the big rocks that will lead to your ultimate outcome rather than get stuck in the quicksand of minutiae. – Michela Quilici, MQ Consulting and Business Training Inc.

3. What Would My Life Look Like If I Achieved My Goals?

This one question will lead to additional questions as you try to get clarity about where you really want to go. Do the goals align with your values? Is the goal something you really want, or are you trying to live someone else’s dream? The more questions you ask yourself, the closer you will get to an answer. – Daisy Wright, The Wright Career Solution

4. What’s My Greatest Superpower?

The art of the self-question is one of the most incredible superpowers we have. Unfortunately, many of us don’t use this power consciously. Heading in the best direction requires you to understand what’s best for you. “Who am I?” (emphasis on the “I”) is one powerful way to illuminate this. Spend a lot of time exploring this question, and choosing the right goals and directions will be easy. – Derrick Bass, Clarity Provoked

5. Why Is This My Goal?

Why will this goal change your life, business, dreams and finances? If you ask why about everything you’re doing in your life, you will better gauge what is really going to help you succeed. Once you know why you’re doing something, you’ll be able to be less vague. If you’re vague in your goals, you’ll be vague in your results. This will make you feel as though you’ve failed. – Stephynie Malik, ChiqueSpeak

6. What Do I Ultimately Want To Achieve?

The key is to identify your end goal and focus on actionable steps to meet that goal. Once you’ve fleshed out what you truly want for your life, career, business, etc., you can then uncover the building blocks for the most successful outcome. Every step you take now and in the future should align with the bigger picture. – Lakrisha Davis, Lakrisha Davis & Co.

7. What’s My Ideal Job Description?

When working with burned-out doctors, the first step is to change their focus by 180 degrees. They are laser-focused on what they don’t like in their job and are actively running away from these pain points. Success in stopping burnout and putting them back in a career with purpose requires building their ideal job description and then making sure they’re always moving in that direction. – Dike Drummond MD, The Happy MD LLC

8. What Are My Values?

Investing time and resources in knowing your values is critical. Once you’re clear on your values, make your calendar match. Spend time on things that are truly important in moving toward your goals, and learn to ignore distractions. This ensures that when you achieve success, it will be fulfilling to you. – Jean Ali Muhlbauer, People at Work

9. What Drives Me?

Understanding yourself is the first step toward identifying the right goals for you. Until you know what drives you, it’s hard to drive yourself in the best direction. First, clearly define where you want to go. Then, ask yourself why you want this, what you will achieve and what challenges you will face along the way. Define and tackle the steps needed to obtain your ultimate goal. – Erin Urban, UPPSolutions LLC

10. What Do Others Say About My Goals?

Even leaders who are self-aware will benefit from asking someone else for help with identifying their next goal. Pick a trusted colleague who knows you well and will give fair, candid insight. Be specific when asking them for advice by saying, “What is one thing I should start, stop or change that will enable me to be more effective in my career?” By going outside of yourself, you expand your resources so you can head in the best direction. – Loren Margolis, Training & Leadership Success LLC

11. Where Do I Want To Land?

When setting goals, it’s important to understand the long game. Where do you want to end up? Many times we set goals based on 5- or 10-year goals instead of charting a course for the next 20 or 30 years, including retirement or your second career. What skills and experiences do you need to build to not only be successful in your current career but also to find success afterward? – LaKesha Womack, Womack Consulting Group

12. Is My Goal SMART?

Is it specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time bound? If it’s not, then go back to the drawing board. – Kimberly Buchanan, The Buchanan Group – Professional Coaching for Professional Women

13. What’s The Big Picture?

Ideally, goals are in support of a higher purpose, so it’s time for some soul-searching. What is your reason for being on this earth? What and who matter to you more than anything or anyone else? Imagine it’s many years in the future, and you are reflecting on the arc of your life. What do you want to see? Whatever the answer, start setting goals now that will get you there. – Gary Bradt, Bradt Leadership Inc.

Blogger’s Note: The first goal anyone should make is to Be Real as no one knows us better than we do. Work on the weaker skills, research to be more knowledgeable, and then put the metal to the pedal and Really Do It….Arline Miller, blogger and author

(C) Copyright 2012-2019 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material including photos are sourced to the original location, if known, for credit references.

This is a post I wrote in 2014 but with all of the attention to the hurricane Dorian devastating the Bahamas with its deadly force and destruction, I remembered my fears about incoming waves. Let us pray for those who have suffered from this hurricane and may God’s mercy follow the people in harm’s way along the coast of the United States.

TODAY THE WORDS are INCOMING WAVES. I found it a little strange that ocean waves entered my mind, especially with the change of weather to the fall season with cooler temperatures. This can be a great time to visit the ocean without a large audience, but it can also be very cool with the ocean winds and the cooler temperatures. My mind went to a time as a child being at the ocean and my experiences with the waves and it takes me to the topic today.   My family lived in a small town of Douglas, GA for most of my life with the exception of about 4 years in Chicago. I am not sure how many of you will know how land locked Douglas is; but it is about 2 hours from any beach so visiting the ocean/beach was not on our regular agenda. However, I remember the visits to Jacksonville Florida, where we visited my Mother’s sister and husband. In those days, very few hotel or motel stays were budgeted so we stayed with family. My aunt and uncle were great hosts and we loved our time spent with them and our cousins. We had fun at the beach but I do have a memory which could have spoiled the trip.  

I have never been a water bug; never have I felt comfortable in water, lakes, ponds, and especially the ocean. The waves, and the rushing of the sand shifting under my feet made me more uncomfortable. I felt I was losing my balance: I felt I was going to fall and be swept out to sea; and I felt scared of what might be under the water waiting to have me for lunch. Oh, I know as an adult, these fears were childish but nevertheless; they were very real when I was little. When I would be turned toward the shore and a big, unexpected wave would almost knock me down; I felt a slight fear of terror. Some of you who are reading this are probably thinking how foolish my fears were or maybe not.  

Now for the deeper thought…….as the ocean is deep, so are some of our fears; they are deeply implanted in our minds. As a child, I felt fear and it felt very real; but with time those fears have somewhat diminished into childhood memories. While maturing in life, I found it very therapeutic to face my fears. I found out that fears experienced early in life can be eliminated by realizing how, with time, the waves don’t knock me down  and even if they do; I can stand back up and enjoy the water’s beauty and I listen to the beautiful melody and tranquil song the waves make as they splash against the rocks or beach. Life has changed and our thoughts and even fears change with lives. Live life; love life; and live life to the fullest by casting your fears aside and hear the music God created for us to enjoy.

FEATURED BIBLE VERSE:

Psalm 107:23-25 ESV

Some went down to the sea in ships, doing business on the great waters; they saw the deeds of the Lord, his wondrous works in the deep. For he commanded and raised the stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. 

(c) copyright 2012-2019 Arline Lott Miller. The material here copyrighted, use only by permission. Third party material is sourced to original location, if known, for credit reference.