Is Sharing Secrets A Good Thing?

We live in a social media world where most secrets of the people who are in the public eye come to light, whether they are celebrities, athletes, and especially, politicians. Recently, Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, passed away after years on the highest court in the land. The pond is already swirling with big waves, and the replacement has not been announced. It caused me to think about how some people can keep a good secret and some cannot wait to expose things that were shared with them with confidence it should remain a secret.

When I looked up the meaning of a secret, I found the following:

piece of information that is only known by one person or a few people and should not be told to others:

Now, looking at this precise definition, it is crystal clear with “Should not be told to others” so why, do so many secrets come out? It is hard to keep a secret and some people struggle with this process. I found an excerpt for any of us who are sharing secrets or keeping secrets. I thought it interesting in the contemplation of secrets to share it with you.

The average person is holding 13 secrets right now. Most reflect the actions we took or thoughts we have that we don’t want others to know, such as telling lies or having extra-relational thoughts (thinking something romantic or sexual about someone other than your partner).

Holding a secret someone entrusted you to keep is near the top of the list. The greater the fear you will violate their trust, the more impact the secret has on your mental state. Most of us end up telling at least one other person the secret we were supposed to keep, which might then burden the other person to keep the secret confidential.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/201809/why-you-shouldn-t-keep-secret

How do you feel when you hear a secret?

What feelings surface when a friend or business associate tells you something and asks that you keep it to yourself?

1. Warm and fuzzy because they trust you with this secret?

2. Apprehensive knowing something others aren’t privy to know?

3. Empowered with the knowledge as if you have an edge over someone?

4. Confused and now concerned with the knowledge?

I strongly feel that if you cannot keep a secret, tell the person Don’t tell me. A secret is a test of friendship and/or family. I was surprised when I wrote my books, that one of the questions asked was “Are any of the characters real people?” As an author, I write fiction and while I build fictitious characters, I will use character traits I am familiar with from people I have met, it’s bits and pieces of many people thrown together to make a “real fictional character”.

I leave you with these words which is a great secret to share with you.

(C) Copyright 2012-2020 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved. Third party material is sourced to original location, if known.

EATING WITH THE MIND WINS OVER MOUTH EATING

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WE SHOULD EAT WITH OUR MINDS and NOT OUR MOUTHS. I will throw out a personal opinion on why our minds and not our mouths should determine what and when we should eat. Let’s think about this theory. In our lifetime, we will go on several diets or eating plans. They will be varied and when we go on most of these, if not all; we lose weight, right? My thoughts are what causes the initial weight loss and what changes over time in which the loss begins to dwindle or even disappear? I think I have discovered what is the culprit…..Our minds. When our mind becomes disgusted when our eyes show the extra weight in the mirror, it can either decide to avoid thoughts of obesity or decide to do something about it.Let me share this: It is not the diet or eating plan; it is the mind who decides if we are full or because of emotions it decides to allow us to overeat. 

A personal note: Some time ago, my husband Greg and I decided (look at the action of the mind) to not play around with eating healthy but get serious. Since we “decided” and not allowed our mouths to do the talking; we have both lost weight, our emotions are calmer, our motivation is higher and the results are a better attitude as well as feeling better. I had expressed it is not only what we eat; quantity is a big factor. Large amounts of salads or fruit or going the protein maximum will not allow us to lose what we need to eat but add portion control to these great foods aids in the satisfaction of eating without starving. Greg has dropped about 10 pounds during this time and he is now “thinking” about what he eats and how much. Even though I had already decided my health was more important, it has helped me eliminate some items and add some healthier foods. I wanted to share with everyone as too many times, we are guilty of talking the health talk but fail to walk the health walk. Just saying our intentions but not involving some serious mind changing methods; it would only be another diet tried and failed. The real reason any diet fails is the mind is not engaged; only the mouth. Try to think about this post and see if you find yourself retracing your “diet” history. When you wanted to lose; I mean when you really wanted to lose; you lost. When you only played with dieting; you might have lost a few pounds and without thinking; you stuck a cookie or candy or even pizza. Instant sabotage, but I can guarantee you; you didn’t think before you stuffed your mouth with those diet killers. I am not preaching; I am reminiscing about my diet history. When I think about what I eat, I lose. When I impulsively eat; it doesn’t work and off another great, sensational, guaranteed to lose, return to my high school figure, lose all fat non fail plan one more time. Does this ring a bell with you or at least start you thinking? I hope so as we are thinking our food through!

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The following is an excerpt from an article called Mindful Eating-Curbing Stress:

How to Put Mind Over Mouth

Jean Kristeller, Ph.D., president of the board of directors at the Center for Mindful Eating, shares tips on how to break the pattern of stress-induced munching.

By Carin GorrellSep 17, 2007

During a high-stress situation it’s natural to feel pulled toward something that distracts you and makes you feel better fast — and often that something is food, explains Jean Kristeller, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Indiana State University and president of the board of directors at the Center for Mindful Eating. “Eating can become an automatic, unconscious response to tension and anxiety,” says Kristeller. “But learning to become more mindful in these moments can help you break that pattern of automatic reactivity.” Here’s how.

ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU’RE STRESSED. “We don’t always recognize when we’re on edge, and it’s hard to interrupt something if you don’t know you’re in the middle of it,” says Kristeller. Learn to recognize your stress signals, which might include headaches, rapid breathing, or munching when you’re not hungry.

ENJOY WHAT YOU’RE EATING. “If you’re just stuffing food down, you’re not enjoying its tastes, textures, and smells, which is how we derive comfort from food in the first place,” says Kristeller. The more you savor your food, the fewer bites you’ll need to get the comfort you seek.

LISTEN TO YOUR WISDOM FROM PAST EXPERIENCES. Maybe during your last stress-induced binge you devoured a half-dozen doughnuts — and the guilt you felt afterward only added to your stress. This time, take steps to maintain portion control: Pick up a single doughnut at the bakery instead of a dozen.

PAUSE. When you find yourself mindlessly diving into a bag of potato chips, stop and check in with yourself. “Think: Do I really want to eat this? Is it going to be helpful?” suggests Kristeller. Taking this moment to reflect can help interrupt the automatic urge to nosh.

DON’T IGNORE YOUR CRAVINGS. Denying that those cookies are calling your name will only strengthen your desire to have one, but acknowledging your craving creates choice: Do you want to have one cookie now, or wait until the urge is so overpowering that you inhale an entire sleeve of cookies? Recognizing that you have choices puts you in charge, not the craving.

EVALUATE YOUR HUNGER. “Often we don’t distinguish between physical hunger and emotionally driven cravings,” says Kristeller. Rate your physical hunger on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being not hungry at all and 10 being famished. If it’s a 0, 1, or 2, reconsider that pantry raid. If it’s a 9 or 10, eat something healthy first: “If you’re really, really hungry, you’re more vulnerable to overeating,” says Kristeller.

***************************End of excerpt from article.

  On a light, positive note I want to post a writing from this morning to all.  This morning I rose with gratitude in my heart, humility in my soul, and joy in my entire body. God grants us the opportunity to be diligent in our faith and today is a great day to serve Him with love, forgiveness, charity, and kindness.

“When we willingly love,We receive from above.

Life is a wonderful gift.We are given such a lift.

Beauty is joy bestowed.Immense love has flowed.

From the stem of a rose.To the child’s turned up nose.

When we willingly love, God smiles from above.”

(written by Arline Miller 02/17/2016)

(C) Copyright 2012-2020 Arline Miller of Sipping Cups of Inspiration with all rights and privileges reserved. Third Party Material is sourced to original location if known for credit reference.

WHY DEPRIVE; CUT PORTIONS AND THRIVE.

I decided to repost this message since I have been successful in losing weight, maybe at a slightly slower pace, but it has been effective since I don’t feel deprived. I show larger portions but I can assure you I use small plates and bowls and take out small portions, knowing that if I am really hungry, I could go back but ironically, I don’t.

Before all of my Keto loving friends go bonkers on me, I am focusing the large percentage of my “portions” as low carb. I have found out for me if I go strict and try no carbs, I cannot stay on this lifestyle or really eating style for very long. Yes, I lose weight but my inner craving self becomes a monster and I find myself slipping and then falling off. So, what have I learned to do? I add some small portions of carbs into my meals but still maintain higher portions to the low carbs or good carbs. I don’t advocate for anyone else this is the way to go, but so far and it has been a lot longer than other patterns of eating, it works for me. I have lost weight and kept it off and guess what? I eat bread occasionally, a dessert (very small portion) occasionally, and a few bites of cheese and macaroni.

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TODAY THE WORDS are WHY DEPRIVE; CUT PORTIONS AND THRIVE. I have been doing a lot of re-thinking my eating program. I hate to use the word program as it depicts some sort of the forbidden word “diet” but it is important we think not worry. Today I would like to share some of my thoughts about WHY DEPRIVE; CUT PORTIONS AND THRIVE. In order to do this, I want to shake up some of the ideas we have been supplied over the past few decades. From all of the great “resolves” most of us have ended up with more weight on our bodies from all of the deprivation.   

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Yesterday when I covered my decision to use the Tablespoon of the No-No foods during the holidays and shared it with some other friends; I realized from the follow up discussions with the ones who exercised this technique (by the way, nothing to buy or special products) they didn’t gain during the holidays and now are excited about becoming very serious to get in control of their health. In other words; they didn’t feel deprived. Neither did I.  I am not advocating eating the No-Nos every day but when we can feel we had the pleasure of tasting some of the No-Nos but not overindulging; it is a good day.   Let’s take a walk down memory lane and remember how school lunches USED to be created. They were selections from the food groups. We had protein, starch or good carbs as veggies, fruit, bread, and even dessert. Think about how few kids were overweight; yes that is right. It was very unusual for a child to be chubby. We were active and not sitting idle. Hmmm??? Maybe that is a different topic for another day. Here is the focus of what I am thinking…..Portions! We were given a certain amount of each food group and not allowed 4 portions of starches or bread or even dessert. It was proportionately divided to insure we ate from all of the food groups. May I ask a question? Why did we change the way we used to eat when life was grand and all of the fish were jumping? 

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Commercialism is the culprit. Along came the microwave and the fast food (which I believe is the fast track to our demise). We grabbed on that destructive train with a vengeance and became lazy. This didn’t help us in the activity area either. I can remember going to the garden and picking the foods for our dinner or at least preparing for the freezer for later. Here is my thought on what has caused more obesity than having a cookie once in a while, a piece of bread with butter on it occasionally, or even a serving of lasagne or spaghetti……it is the ability to grab any quantity of fried chicken, pizza, burgers and fries super sized, or buffets where the philosophy is to eat as much as your body can hold because you are paying one price for whatever. You may not agree with my thinking but at least think about what you are eating and remember portions. You can or cannot count calories (that kind of stuff messes with my ADD) but a portion is the way to go in my mind. One piece of meat, one or two vegetables, one moderate size carb, one toasted or dark bread, and occasionally something sweet but try to stay away from gooey or a portion of fruit will go a long way in your system working right. At least consider changing from the idea of I can’t have to How much of any of the food group should I have?   

May you find your way on the eating trail of life. I am not a health expert but I have found that the so called diets do not work for me and I don’t want to deprive; I want to cut portions and thrive.   HEALTHY BITES has been created to offer healthy recipes and you can click on this page for them. Also if you follow me on Pinterest, or even if you don’t, you can find great healthy recipes on many boards. Until we read or eat again…….Arline Miller, author and fellow eater!  

(C) Copyright 2012-2020 Arline Miller with rights and permissions reserved. Third party material is sourced, if original location is known, for credit reference.

STILL STANDING STILL ON 9/11

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Note from blogger, Arline Miller: On 9/11/2020, I woke very early, thought about this day being such a combination of sadness, loss, confusion, and pride of a country being attacked and rising again. It brought me to today, this particular day which our country is being attacked from within causing sadness, loss, confusion, and division and I wonder if we can pull together remembering what was present in 2001 and rise again like the great country we are.

Reposting my 9/11 tribute from 2015:

STILL STANDING STILL ON 9/11. Each year on September 11 (9/11) each of us in the United States take a pause and remember. We do not remember to keep hate in our hearts for those who chose to destroy so many lives and forever changed a date. This morning, I sent birthday wishes to a friend, who before 2001 celebrated this date as a fun filled day of celebration. It was forever changed to “you were born on 9/11, Oh….”. I thought about how this day dramatically altered the lives and I thought I would reprint my blog post from 2015. Those who sacrificed their own lives to save others will forever live in our memories with our deepest gratitude.

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TODAY THE WORDS are WHEN THE WORLD STOOD STILL. We remember, and we in America, will always remember this particular day on September 11, 2001 when we had tragedy come to our shores by foreign terrorists. Seemingly, the world seemed to stop. If we ask anyone where we were on this day, we can readily tell you where we were and each of us have our “story” of 9/11. So many lives were affected by the almost three thousand lost lives both in New York and at the Pentagon as well as the flight which heroically crashed in a field to avoid more lives. In the midst of this terror, American heroes rose to be what Americans do best as they rose to sacrifice their lives to save others; some gave their lives to save others; and others gave aid while subjecting themselves to smoke and dust. Yes, America cried and we grieved as we still do fourteen years (now in 2020, we remember 19 years ago) and in that grief; we honor those who are not here with us today; some innocently killed while becoming a hero for our way of life; and those who were forever injured either physically and/or emotionally; we hail them as heroes.

American people have been accused of being selfish and greedy and anytime I hear this accusation; my mind goes to not only the days and years of this tragedy where so many have given money, time, and even their own lives to protect our country. Strangers helping Strangers; Families hugging Family members; charitable organizations not even hesitating going into Ground Zero to assist and contribute aid and supplies. For a day the world stood still; Americans were on the move as they have moved when other countries have needed help and Americans have been willing to be there even if they are mocked or rebuked. Why on earth would anyone rebuke strangers willing to help in those times when their lives depended on this unwarranted help? When their worlds have stood still; Americans with sometimes with no thanks to come MOVED to go to those in need.

For my deeper thought….. I say today, while we are remembering the day our world stood still; AMERICA MOVED. We moved in love, help, compassion, and a willingness to do what we need to stay strong. We never forget; we MOVE. We are a nation of not only survivors but thrivers. WE MAY STAND STILL while we have moments of silence today for the victims; but we will applaud the heroes and even ourselves for loving our country, coming together as a country when it counts.

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Photo courtesy of http://www.clevelandseniors.com

 FEATURED BIBLE VERSE:

Romans 15:1-2 ESV

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. 

(C) copyright 2012- 2020 Arline Lott Miller. The material here copyrighted, use only by permission. Third party material is sourced if known to original location for credit reference.