In this current state of the world, there is enough to deal with, accept, and try to survive without the added non-winnable struggle with a narcissist. For the life of me, it seems almost impossible to fathom that a person can be so in a love hate relationship with themselves to completely disregard another person’s feelings. The only advise I can give is to imitate Forest Gump and RUN, RUN, as quickly as you can as you are running for your life!
Before you beat yourself up, let’s take a look at an excerpt addressing why people are attracted and fall in love with a narcissist.
“People fall in love with narcissists for so many reasons. Some of them have to do with the person who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), whereas other reasons have more to do with the intoxicating nature of feeling like “the chosen one.” Of course, each person with NPD is an individual, with their own personality, appealing characteristics, issues, etc. However, what they do have in common is a lack of object constancy (the inability to maintain a positive emotional tie to someone when they are upset with them), very little emotional empathy for others, and extreme difficulty self-regulating their moods, self-esteem, reactive behaviors based on their emotionally distorted experience of the world.
Why do people fall in love with narcissists?
Some narcissists have other wonderful qualities.
Many narcissists have other wonderful qualities, which may include: power, intelligence, good looks, a good sense of humor, charm, liveliness, fun, prestige, and other commonly appealing qualities. Of course, there are plenty of narcissists who do not have any of these qualities, but people are often surprised how easy it is to fall in love with a narcissist regardless.
They can be intoxicating.
Not every narcissist is charming, but the ones that are can be truly intoxicating. At their best, when a narcissist “picks you” many people feel special, wanted, chosen, and find this to be very intoxicating. This is the stage when they are viewing you as the perfect being that they are pursuing, and the average person is unlikely to have any idea how quickly these feelings can change, and what the relationship is likely to feel like when the narcissist does not find them to be so shiny anymore. By this point, many people are so in love and tangled in the relationship, that it can be very painful and difficult to break-up.”
Here is an excerpt from an article on Why You’re Attracting Narcissists with a link to the entire article for some good advice and information.
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-stop-attracting-narcissists-and-abusers
Have you found that you keep attracting narcissists? The inability to empathize, an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and an excessive and pathological need for admiration are just a few qualities narcissists possess, according to psychotherapist Dana Dorfman, Ph.D. Those are obviously not traits of a loving and supportive partner. So why do some people attract narcissists over and over again? Here’s everything you need to know about why this keeps happening and how to say goodbye to them for good:
1. You have a narcissistic parent.
2. You’re an empathic person.
3. You have low self-esteem.
4. You deny your own needs.
5. They make you feel good (sometimes).
How to stop attracting narcissists:
1. Set firm boundaries.
2. Work on developing rock-solid confidence.
3. Home in on a person’s values.
4. Identify red flags.
5. Avoid anyone who tries to control your behavior.
Please click on the link above to read the entire article by Sally Fielding, mbg Contributor
As a business person, I have encountered many narcissists and I want to interject a personal statement. Don’t confuse a person with good self esteem and confidence with a true narcissist. Watch and see if people share their good qualities to help others. If it always has to be about them, look for the other signs…..you will usually find the red flags. I don’t want to discourage anyone from being the best they can be but if it is never paid forward, you may be dealing with a narcissist. Again, and let me keep repeating, RUN, RUN, make tracks and your life will benefit from the absence of any narcissist.
Life is made to live it happily. It will never be perfect, but one way to make it closer is choose who shares your life with you very carefully.
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